


Cigarettes Cologne and Snow Angels

by mieszkozi



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Cronus needs to get a grip, Everyone needs a hug or 7, Kankri is troubled, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, More tags later, mentions of eating disorders NON EXPLICIT/DETAILED, sort of almost suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-04
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-02-24 02:10:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 22,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2564402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mieszkozi/pseuds/mieszkozi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kankri is a 17 year old from South Carolina who hates being touched and has a tendency to ramble on too long and act like a know-it-all.. Cronus Ampora is an 18 year old from Washington state, who apparently thinks it's the 1950's and is sometimes a complete idiot. But fate has funny plans for us all, even if it potentially means alienating those who are supposed to care most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Latin, Latin is Good.

**Author's Note:**

> This was such a stress write!! Also I haven't writen in forever.  
> AND.  
> Fuck paragraphs anyway.  
> I suck at them.  
> I suck so horribly at them.  
> Warnings for individual chapters will be in the notes. 
> 
> follow me on tumblr if you wish.  
> maudlinghost.tumblr.com

You hum quietly to yourself as you slip your new notebooks inside your leather school bag. It was going to be your first day at this new school, "Jefferson High" you scoffed at the name. You were fairly sure every state in this country had at LEAST one Jefferson High… It lacked originality and was fairly commonplace.

Either way, the school itself seemed to be rather nice. Your father and younger brother had toured it earlier this month and had said it was gorgeous, you wondered how many students there were.

Would you make friends?

You were abruptly shaken from your thoughts as a loud knock rattled your door. Ah yes, your brother…

"Kankri get your fatass downstairs! The bus will be here any goddamn second and I'm not going to fucking wait for you!"

You could practically see the facial expression he was making on the other side of the door. You chuckled quietly and sighed.

Sometimes he hurt your feelings without trying to. But hey, it still hurt.

"Language Karkat, think about what father would say..." You scold him half-heartedly.

Of course father would probably not say anything, these days he was rather quiet… which was strange in itself.

"I don't fucking give a DAMN about what he thinks and you know that!"

You heard him rather lightly hit the side of the door and walk down the stairs muttering something to himself.

You smiled a bit forcedly as you grabbed your bag and slung it over your shoulder, you gave yourself a once over in the mirror.

Your dark brown hair was parted nicely at the side, but aside from the rather nice part, your hair itself was rather…unruly. You gently moved one wild lock from in front of your face and tucked it behind your ear to assess your features.

You didn't like your face, you never have. If you were being quite honest, you didn't like much about you, and neither did anyone you ever met. "Too fat" they'd say. "Too talkative" they'd say. "Too self-centered" "Too stuck up" the list went on forever… and just thinking about it made you sigh, you quickly looked away from your mirror and balled your fists lightly inside the sleeves of your favorite red sweater.. It was once your mother's... Your lovely, beautiful mother… You smiled just a bit before being jolted from your thoughts by a loud voice downstairs.

"KANKRI FUCKING VANTAS GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE NOW THE BUS IS LITERALLY RIGHT NEXT FUCKING DOOR!"

You smiled; you disliked your brothers cursing... true, but his personality made you smile... People liked him because of his mouth, because he wasn't afraid to say anything to anyone. Of course he wasn't popular by any means … At least half of the people that met him strongly disliked him. You quickly shook your head and ran down the stairs, you could think about this a different time.

You get downstairs just in time, the bus had just pulled up, you smile confidently and close the door to the house behind you. Father would be very upset if you left it unlocked, so you locked it like the responsible teenager you are.

You hurried to the bus and stepped inside, the smell is what caught you off guard.

What in on earth was that smell… it was just… terrible. It burned your nostrils, but everyone on the bus seemed immune to it.

You made a face of disgust and sat down near the middle of the bus, Karkat already way at the back. You turned your head to try to get a look at everyone on the bus.

You started at the back.

You thought to yourself, quietly looking over everyone, you landed on a particular group just a few seats behind you and across the narrow walk way. They all seemed to be talking to one another, there was a taller thin guy who looked to be of Hispanic origin, his hair was well... it was much worse than your own; he was quickly signing something to a shorter chubby Asian girl with long wavy black hair. She was grinning and signing back at the appropriate times.

A guy a little taller than you was watching the conversation, he looked completely awestruck. A voice caught you off guard, a deep voice...

"Wha's wrong Tuna? You see'em do that all the time?" The 'Tuna' guy just flinched a little at the voice and continued staring.

Your eyes landed on the man with the deep voice, he was taller than you... But of course that wasn't saying much. He had dark hair and it was slicked back, he had sharp features and wore the typical "greaser" attire... Who did he think he was, he was aware that the year was 2014 right? And not 1950?

Perhaps you'd ask him about that one day.

You continued to look him over quietly, then you froze, there it was, the terrible source of that disgusting odor.

A cigarette hung loosely out of the greaser guy's mouth. You frowned a bit and cleared your throat.

You were going to say something. What kind of a person would you be if you just let some guy your age smoke like that? On a bus of all places! Before you could stop yourself, the words poured out of your before you even had a chance to register them in your brain.

"Sir, could you please put out that disgusting cigarette? You are aware that they give you cancer right? I know it's probably because you look like you're trying to accomplish a typical 1950's 'Greaser' look, and that they indeed did stereotypically smoke cigarettes, but the smell is affecting me, and I'm going to assume I'm not the only one who dislikes it. I'm sure there is at least one person on this bus with Asthm-,"

You were quickly silenced by a ball of wadded up paper to the face. Of course; these people didn't want to hear you ramble as much as anyone else did, but they didn't have to be rude about it.

You grabbed the wad of paper and looked back over at the group. The two people who were earlier communicating with sign language were looking at you, the guy with his eyebrows furrowed and a sickeningly sweet smile on his face, he quickly signed you something and the man with the cigarette laughed.

"Damn Kurloz, be nice to the kid…,"

He took the cigarette out of his mouth and tossed it out the barely open window.

"Better? Now stop your fuckin' complainin' or Kurloz here'll make good on his threats." He motioned to the all too happy Mexican with the unruly hair.

You stared at him for a moment, biting your lip a bit; of course you really wanted to say something now. But instead, you just nodded slowly and took a deep breath in through your nose, the paper still clutched tightly in your left hand.

Today would probably be a very long day...

The rest of the bus ride happened in relative silence, you used the time to memorize your schedule, and thankfully your brother had picked it up while on the tour a while back.

Otherwise there was no doubt in your mind that you would be lost within moments of arrival.

The bus pulled up to the large brick building and you felt a bit of nervousness bubble up into your chest.

Great.

The bus finally halted to a stop and almost simultaneously, everyone stood up and towered above you.

Somewhere in the back of the bus you could faintly hear your younger brother cursing loudly at something.

You smiled a bit and stood up, wow, you felt really short. You heard a low whistle from behind you and a rough hand clapped onto your shoulder.

Your eyes widened and you quickly pulled away from his touch, your hands balled up inside your sleeves again. You took a deep breath to calm yourself before you were caught off guard by a voice.

"Damn kid, you're tiny. What grade ya' in?" You didn't have to look up to know who it was, you were rather sure that there was only one person on this bus who reeked of cigarettes, and had a rather deep strangely accented voice. Of course it would be him. You slowly turned to face him; he was at least a good 6' 7" whereas you stood at maybe a measly 5' 5".

"For your i-information, I happen to be a Junior…"

You couldn't stop the slight waver in your voice as you spoke; there were too many people, too many hands way to close to you. You took another deep breath and tried to calm yourself. The guy raised his eyebrow

"You okay kid? Need'a drink or something?" He shook a clear water bottle at you, and you were fairly sure that was not water.

You quickly shook your head.

Why wasn't the line moving?

Why was everyone still on the bus?

Come on!

"Cool... I'm Cronus. Nice to meet ya'!"

He smirked, well it was probably a smile, but it definitely came off as a smirk.

He patted your back again and you stiffened up again at his touch.

Finally the line started to move and everyone dashed out, leaving you behind in your seat, practically frozen. Karkat walked up from the back of the bus, oh, he was still here? He took one look at you and frowned.

"You okay? Come on, let's go inside..." He knew just from your face what had happened, someone had touched you.

You had a problem with that, you hated being touched, it was very invasive to your personal space and it really made you uncomfortable, so much as to even throw you into panic attacks from time to time.

You nodded and picked up your bag again.

"Good idea..."

Before you knew it, you were inside the large building surrounded by your peers. You glanced over at Karkat and he nodded to you before walking off. You looked down at your palm and remembered you still had the balled up wad of paper in it, you tossed it in the nearest trash can and pulled out your schedule to double check your classes. You read the first period class aloud

"Latin 3, room 273." Okay, you can do this. You can walk to your class like an average teenager.

You folded the paper back up and slipped it into your back pocket for safe keeping before heading off in the direction of your class. You couldn't help but feel self-conscious; people were obviously staring at you. Of course they were, you were a short fat Italian kid in a bright red sweater rushing down the hall. If you were them, you'd probably stare too.

You finally find your class and rush inside to discover that it's relatively empty; you let out a deep breath that you didn't know you'd been holding.

The teacher smiles softly at you, she's a shorter woman with kind eyes. The board reads "Ms. Black" in beautiful cursive, you smile back at her and take a seat at the very front of the class.

"Are you my new student? 11th grade right? .. Vantas?"

She walked over to you and gently placed a book on your desk.

You nodded up at her,

"Yes ma'am. May I ask how many students are in this class?"

She rubbed her chin in thought before clapping her hands together softly. "Five! Just one more student needs to arrive then we can start!"

You must have physically relaxed at that because she chuckled.

"Not a fan of large groups I see?" You nodded.

You heard her gasp happily and then she sort of skipped over to the door and hugged someone, your eyes widened slightly it was that guy, of course.. Of course it was him.

What was his name? Crayons? No.. Nobody would name their son Crayon's… Cronus! Of course, although naming your son after a Greek figure that ate babies was probably no better…

Ms. Black hung on Cronus happily, you could hear her telling him how glad she was that he was in her class, and informing him that he reeked of cigarettes!

At that he chuckled and she whacked him on the shoulder with a rolled up bunch of papers.

"Take your seat, love!" She smiled and Cronus nodded at you in greeting, taking a seat across the room from you.

Thank god.

You looked to the front of the room to see Ms. Black grinning.

"Okay class! As you all probably have figured out, my name is Ms. Black! My husband is Mr. Black, the French teacher and this is Latin 3! Congratulations, you've made it this far! Now, the four of you probably already know each other, but we have a new student here!," she looked over at you, still smiling "He's from South Carolina, and His name is Kankri Vantas! Kankri? Why don't you introduce yourself?"

Oh god… Great .

"My pleasure." You quickly stood up and tried to make a mental note not to ramble.

"My name is Kankri Vantas, as you've been told. I am 17. I come from South Carolina, and what possessed my father to move to Washington State is beyond me. I have a younger brother, Karkat, and I live with my Father." You paused to think of more to say, but Ms. Black happily clapped and asked you to take your seat before she started handing out papers for the class. You smiled a little and sat back down, tugging on your sleeves from the inside.


	2. He Must Be Strong Then

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cronus is hella strong, it's obvious.
> 
> More closeness.
> 
> Accidental snappiness.
> 
> Fire.
> 
> 'splosions.
> 
> wooo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bluh, if you need to get with me.  
> I mean in touch with me.  
> Pervs.  
> Use my tumblr.  
> I never leave, it's like hell.
> 
> threehundredlittleducklings.tumblr.com
> 
>  
> 
> also drop me some ideas idk i need to write more.

The rest of your day up until lunch was nothing fun.

Lunch you were hoping would be a great time to meet new friends.

But goodness were you ever wrong, you quickly realized that the cafeteria, while being absolutely massive, became rather crowded insanely quick.

This left you with a tray of food from the salad bar attempting to choose a table with few people. You gave up after five minutes of standing around like a complete idiot, and took your tray out into the hall and sat against a wall to eat.

'This way you can focus on your eating, and not have to deal with people bothering you!' you thought.

All in all, the whole "Make friends" thing has never been your strong point.

Back at your old school you had few friends… Actually less than few, you had one. And her name was Porrim Maryam, she was rather sweet, father disliked her on the grounds that she was a Homosexual, but that was his own problem.

She was gorgeous, and you two had grown up together… But often you wonder if she actually enjoyed your company, or if she just felt like she had to stay by your side because you didn't have anyone else.

You sigh at the thought and poke at the lettuce on your plate with a fork before stabbing it half-heartedly.

Your head snaps up at the sound of one of the doors opening and closing down the hall, two people walk out of the cafeteria laughing happily.

The boy stops and awkwardly leans forward and places a kiss on the girl's cheek, she just laughs and hugs him tightly, nuzzling into him.

You quickly look away, it's not nice to look in on someone else's intimate moments. Although the action did make you think.

You were jealous of people who had something as intimate as that, you'd never had a significant other before, and to be quite honest, you were never really sure you'd wanted one. 'You'll find her one day' your father had said.

You didn't believe him, you don't think you could see yourself with someone, loving someone, having them love you back.

Sex? Haha, no. You could definitely not see yourself doing that anytime soon either.

It wasn't that you didn't want to. You didn't think anyone would want to have sex with you. And the idea itself made you a tiny bit nauseous.

But you did occasionally fantasize.

As much as you would like to protest otherwise, you were a teenage boy with hormones, and you too had… urges. Primal ones at that, but they were still there.

You glanced back down at the tray of wilted green lettuce and made a disgusted face.

You completely forgot to get salad dressing of any sort. Were you going to go back inside and get some?

No.

Your stomach protested otherwise, but you'd become quite accustom to ignoring it.

After all, it was just lunch. You could eat later.

You sat there thinking for another 10 minutes before the bell rang and you had to go empty your untouched tray.

You adjusted the strap on your shoulder bag and walked off to class. Perhaps the rest of the day would be alright.

Wrong.

You were ever so wrong. The rest of the day was particularly terrible. You'd made a fool of yourself in debate class.

Corrected your chemistry teacher 5 times, then been sent to sit in the hall since you "could not contain your outbursts". It's not like you were just talking, you were trying to assist her and provide her with the correct information.

You shook your head slightly as you sat on the bus thinking about your earlier actions. Oh well… at least now you get to go home! The bus finally filled up and Karkat sat next to you with an unreadable smirk on his face.

"Karkat? How was your day? Brilliant I assume?"

You turn to face him, maybe a little conversation would help your mood.

"Damn straight it was brilliant, I met some people, you know. All that shit. Oh! Fuck! There she is now!"

You frowned as he quickly stood back up and rushed off to sit with some red-headed girl with a dragon shirt on, she clapped him on the back harshly as he sat down.

"Oh that's lovely, my day was great too, thank you for your concern Karkat.." You mutter quietly to yourself.

How does he make friends that fast?

He's so lewd, and loud, and oh yes… He can be around people without coming off as a know-it-all or panic ridden freak.

You freeze up as you feel the seat you're in shift considerably to the left and you abruptly turn your head to the side.

Oh.. A very tall, very muscular, very….sweaty smoke-smelling Cronus is sitting right next to you with an unlit cigarette hanging out of his mouth, he looks over over at you before removing the cigarette from between his teeth with two fingers.

"What di' we have to do in Latin for homework?"

You can't think.. Your body has frozen up completely; he's too close, way too close.

You suddenly feel as if you're being suffocated and all you can manage to get out of your mouth is a small whine before you let out a large breath and scoot over closer to the wall.

"P-Please remove yourself from my seat this instance! I-It's impolite to" deep breath "Invade s-someone's space!" it comes out quite and rather quickly.

His eyes widen slightly and he scoots over.

"You okay chief? Ya' need some air or somethin'?" You relax just slightly and manage to force the words to leave your lips.

"Page…3….v-vcabulary." There's no mistaking the obvious discomfort and strain in your voice and he slowly nods his head before switching to the seat across from you without a word.

It takes you a fair moment, but you do manage to calm yourself.

After 10 minutes of essentially clinging to the cold metal wall of the bus, you relax and push your bag into the spot once occupied by Cronus.

He's still watching you from the corner of his eye, his Latin book opened on his lap. A pencil hanging from his lips as he glances back down at the book.

"Hey." The word is rather quiet and the pencil is removed from his lips as he sits up to speak to you.

You clear your throat a bit before replying. "Yes..? I-If you're wondering what happened I can assure you that it's none of y-," He stops you with a wave of his hand.

"I don't care what happened. You okay?" You nod slowly after a moment.

"Yes… thank you for your concern Cronus." He just nods and continues to work on his vocabulary.

You glance up toward the front of the bus to see Karkat laughing with that girl, she's showing him a paper with what appears to be a drawing on it.

He just smiles at her and nods as she talks. Huh, it's been a good while since he's smiled.

The sight is nice to see you suppose. You glance back over at Cronus for a moment.

"You know smoking is a terrible habit correct? You could get cancer.. or you can destroy your teeth, or you can be hospitalized… or-" He stops what he's doing and sighs before closing his book and looking you square in the eye, then he… chuckles? Wait. Why is he laughing, did you say something humorous?

"Yea, yea. I know, smoking is terrible, blah blah blah. I've heard it all before from my brother. Ain't nothin' new."

You frown at this.

"Then why do you do it?"

He just shrugs his shoulders.

"I like it, I like the way it burns in my lungs. I like the smell, it grows on ya' after a while."

You open your mouth to speak but shut it when you're cut off by your stomach growling loudly, you blush and groan quietly.

You had completely forgotten about your hunger. Cronus obviously hears and laughs a bit.

"Didn't ya eat?" You shake your head quickly to inform him that , no, you had not eaten.

"An' why's that?"

"Not hungry."

You decide that's as good an answer as any.

He just nods it off and the bus comes to a stop as a large group of students get off at the stop.

"Where's your stop?"

Oh… You really don't know.

"I…don't know…."

He apparently finds that funny as he's now laughing.. again.

"What's your street?"

"Um… Maple…"

He rubs his chin for a bit.

"Hm… You're not next, but the one after that."

You just nod and pull your hands back up into your sleeves.

You end up getting home without any problems.

Your father is not there, much to your surprise. Oh well, you can handle being home with Karkat by yourself, you are 17 after all.

You make dinner for the two of you and then you decide to go to bed. You walk inside your room with a sigh. The floor creaks as you walk toward your bed and collapse on it.

You almost immediately pass out.

The next couple weeks are just as terrible as the first day.

People getting to close to you, lunch in the hallway, panic attacks, making a fool of yourself in classes; it's safe to say that Latin is your only good class.

You really look forward to it actually, Ms. Black is always really sweet to you, and if you get there early enough, she offers you cookies.

You never actually take one, but the gesture itself is nice enough.

Cronus and his gang have taken to taunting you.

Which you can't say you didn't see coming. But the odd thing is, Cronus is completely different to you in Latin and on the bus home. He talks to you every now and again, you help him with his Latin on the bus and in class, and you've only managed to bond over one thing… music. He shares your love of older music; specifically music from the 1950's and early 1960's, which didn't shock you considering his appearance.

Today is different though, Kurloz, Meulin and Mituna aren't on the morning bus and he sits in the seat in front of you with a rather irked expression on his face. In a matter of seconds he's pulled out a cigarette and lit it up between his teeth.

You frown a bit, curious as to his mood and tap him on the shoulder.

"Cronus are yo-,"

You're stopped immediately as his hand grabs your wrist you tense up and try to tug it away from him, your eyes wide.

"Don't fuckin' touch me I'm not in any sort of goddamn mood to deal with your stupid fuckin' rants today Kankri. So just shut the fuck up or move seats, or deal with it, your choice."

He snarls a bit at you before releasing your wrist, you let it fall limply to your side.

Oh. Haha, what were you thinking. Of course he didn't want to hear you talk.

You just stared at him a bit before nodding and standing, you sling your bag over your shoulder and take a breath before moving to the more crowded back of the bus, your jaw set unusually tight.

The bus ride is rather long for some reason.

Your eyes are fixed on your hands, which are currently balled up inside your sweater, you never really noticed how much you did that until Karkat pointed it out.

He suggested that you probably did it when you were upset or nervous. But right now you couldn't place your mood.

Were you happy? No, but when were you actually happy last anyway?

Sad? You were unsure, you felt sort of sad, but you didn't have a reason to be.

Angry? Unsure. Your jaw just felt tight and your chest felt funny. Like…fluttery but an emotional fluttery.

Wow, good description.

You knew these emotions came from being yelled at by Cronus, they had to have.

And you suppose it could have been shock, disbelief, or maybe you just felt….stupid.

Yea, you definitely felt stupid. Cronus was your friend, you'd thought, and maybe he just took his anger out on you but it definitely hurt…

Yea, that's what you're feeling. You feel hurt… Very hurt.

You push all the stupid feelings away and look up to see everyone else standing ready to get off the bus, you stay seated and wait for everyone else to get off the bus.

Once everyone else has exited you stand and sling your bag over your shoulder, you thank the bus driver before stepping off the bus.

You practically bolt to your class, maybe a little Latin would cheer you up, maybe you can forget for the moment that Cronus is in that class as well.

Of course you can't.

You walk in the class with your head down, you take your seat at the front as usual and pull out your book and notebook.

Your jaw still slightly tightened, Ms. Black noticed and called you over to her desk with a concerned look on her face.

"Kankri sweetie are you feeling alright? You look down."

You think for a minute before forcing a slight smile.

"Yes, I'm doing okay. Just didn't sleep very well last night." You lied.

You don't lie.

You never lie.

She just smiled softly, nodded and dismissed you back to your seat; the rest of the class drags on slowly.

And when the bell rings you are for once, more than happy to get out of that room. You quickly make your way to second period.

Wait. What's this? The Chemistry room is locked and there's…..caution tape on the door? Yea, you're seeing it right, the paper attached to the door says to meet in room 104.

You sigh and quickly rush down the stairs. You wouldn't want to be late.

A thousand questions swim in your mind as you walk into 104. A news report is pulled up on the Smart-Board, a substitute teacher sits at a desk, on the board is written in sharp sloppy letters "Mr. Strider"

You raise your eyebrow at this and read the smart-board screen.

"3 teens involved in Jefferson High Chemical fire, student and teacher sent to hospital with burn wounds after teacher tried to put out flames"

Your eyes widen and you quickly rush to take your seat, the substitute stands when everyone is seated, he has a packet in his hand.

"Helloooo class. I'm Mr. Strider, but ya can call me Sir… or Bro, whatever ya feel."

He winks at the class and leans on the desk.

Some of the girls giggle, you make a face at his unprofessionalism.

"I'm sure you all have noticed that the chem room is off limits. Three of you little shits decided to try and 'experiment' without supervision and caught the damn place ablaze and Mr. Harley got injured. What a shame, hot dude and all. For those of you wondering who was involved, the names are 'Kurloz Makara, Meulin Leijon, and Mituna Captor' Kurloz is in the hospital with severe facial burns. Meulin got out quick enough and only suffered a few burns to her hands and Mituna is just fine, but they are all suspended for a long fuckin' time. Mr Harley will be fine and back here in 2 months. So till then, ya gotta deal with me. Oh and Cal."

He nodded to a very disturbing puppet currently occupying his seat.

You just stared at the board, your mouth slightly agape.

Kurloz was….hospitalized? Kurloz, as in… Mute, Cronus' best friend Kurloz.

Yea, it had to be him… The pieces clicked together in your mind and you suddenly felt a bit sick.

That had to have been why Cronus was so upset.

You bite your lip slightly and made a mental note to try and find Cronus at lunch.

Eating in the hall be damned.

The rest of the class was composed of the girls and some boys swooning over Mr. Bro Strider, and said man explaining the finer points of irony.

Whatever that meant.

You stood outside the cafeteria and took a deep breath before walking in and going straight to finding Cronus, you had to apologize. You felt the need to, although you weren't sure you did anything wrong.

After a long while of uncomfortable searching, you find him in the middle of a crowded table.

You knew he had other friends but this was a ridiculous amount, all in all, he looked sad.

Everyone around him was smiling and laughing and he was just, staring.

At the wall actually.

You quickly walked over and tapped his shoulder.

He turned to look at you

"Can I fuck-…. Oh, it's you. What do you want Kankri? I'm tryin' to eat." He sighed a bit, he seemed annoyed.

You came over to say something, and you're going to say it.

"Sorry…." Your voice betrayed you and shook as you spoke.

He put his fork down and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion; any hint of annoyance was replaced with another emotion you couldn't quite place.

"What in the hell for?"

By now everyone at his table was watching you. The eyes lingered on you as they awaited a response and you shifted uncomfortably.

For once in your life you had no clue what to say.

Sorry your friends are hurt?

Sorry I bothered you?

Sorry I talk too much?

You settled for a simple,

"Sorry for everything…." and quickly walked off, hands in your sleeves.

You quickly found the exit and walked into the hall.

Wow you fell really dizzy for some reason.

Maybe you should sit down.

Before you even get the chance to slide down the wall, the door opens again.

You looked up at him and tensed.

"I-I'd like it if you'd refrain from bothering me seeing as you're obviously upset and I don't really wish to be yelled at again.."

You slid down the wall into a sitting position.

He frowned and sat a good 3 feet away from you.

"Kan, wh-,"

"Kankri." You corrected.

He just sighed and continued.

"Kankri, what's wrong? Why are you apologizing to me? What in the hell did you do?"

You frowned a bit.

"I bothered you this morning… Also, I suppose I'm sorry that your friends are injured as well, that's probably what's been bothering you. I was going to ask you this morning.."

You see a flash of guilt on his face.

He sighs and runs a hand through his gelled back hair.

"Jesus Kankri… Listen….I'm sorry. Hey… Why are ya shaking chief? Wha's wrong now…?"

The last part of the sentence is significantly quieter and it sounded like it was laced with concern.

That's a good question… why were you shaking?

Cronus is saying something but you can't quite hear him, come to think of it, you can't hear much of anything…

Before you know it everything is black.


	3. Have You Ever Felt Free?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Motorcycles and a lil bit of passing out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drop me writing commissions @ threehundredlittleducklings.tumblr.com

You wake up and It's dark.

Very very dark, you hear faint voices somewhere and you make a small groaning noise before the curtain is yanked back and a smiling , plump nurse walks in.

"Hi Mr. Vantas, glad you're awake!" You groan again, your head is pounding and god do you feel dizzy…

Cronus is standing behind the nurse watching you.

Why was he here?

Why were you here?

"Why'm I here?" Your words are a bit slurred together for some reason.

What was wrong with you.

Cronus speaks up.

"We were talkin' and ya passed out on me… You were shakin' real bad and you were pale, next think ya know. Bam. You're out cold… I..I carried you here."

He… carried you?

How?

'He's probably really strong if he can lift me' you think silently to yourself.

The nurse nods at his explanation, smiling still.

"Kankri sweetheart, when was the last time you ate?" You think for a moment, good question.

When did you eat last.

You're quiet for a bit longer before answering her.

"Um… Wednesday. Father made dinner for Karkat and I." Cronus and the nurse frown.

Two days.

That was apparently not a good answer.

"Can you tell me why?"

No.

You can't.

"Not hungry? I guess I forgot."

You lied.

You better not make that a habit.

She obviously doesn't like that response.

"Well you're going to need to eat before I let you leave. We called your father and explained that you passed out. He said to do whatever we needed to make sure you were okay. Cronus? Can you please go tell the lunch ladies to prepare an emergency tray for Kankri?"

Cronus nodded and left the room, his jaw set.

You must have angered him somehow.

The nurse sighs and sits on the edge of the bed with you.

"Are you really going to tell me you 'forgot' to eat?"

You nod slowly…

"I did forget…I didn't have time. I...-," You trail off, going quiet.

She nods and sits there with you for a while in silence.

"Is he your friend?"

The question catches you off guard.

"What?"

"Cronus. Is he your friend? He seemed rather worried…,"

You shrug a bit and run your hand through your hair.

Cronus was worried?

"I'm not entirely sure I suppose."

It was true, you didn't know.

He talked to you sometimes. When he was with his friends he was different…well.. They were mean, he just… observed.

Your thoughts are interrupted by Cronus walking through the door with a tray, when the nurse left you weren't sure of, but Cronus is now occupying her abandoned spot.

He thrusts the tray your way.

"Eat.."

"But I'm not hu-,"

"Eat!"

His voice comes out a little louder than you expected.

You bite your lip and take the tray from him.

"Could you please not watch me eat? It makes me rather uncomfortable."

He sighs and pushes himself up off the bed.

"Sure. Just eat Kan..." He pushes past the curtain and you groan.

Great.

You inspect the food, the sad excuse for a hamburger stares back at you and you feel your empty stomach twist.

You better do this…

They won't let you leave until you do.

You take a deep breath and start to eat, you immediately feel sick.

Not nauseous… Just… plain sick with yourself.

The feeling is not new, it's how you've felt for the last week anytime you eat.

It was a feeling of utter disgust. It was like your mint was telling you "How dare you! You don't need to eat!"

You didn't.

Not really.

You were fat.

Your brain was screaming that at you as you ate.

You tried to ignore it but when you finally finished eating, you didn't feel better, you felt like a failure.

And it confused you.

Pushing the thoughts aside, you stood and pulled back the curtain.

"I'm finished now, may I please return to class?"

Cronus was still there, he watched you carefully.

The nurse inspected your tray and nodded slowly.

"Sure, if you start to feel sick again, please come back and see me. Cronus?"

Cronus nodded at her and stood.

"Come on Kan. What's your next class…?"

You looked at the clock and looked back at him, confused; the nurse took your tray and sat it on her desk.

"Statistics, Why are you taking me to class?"

"Bosses orders." He nodded toward the nurse and started to lead you out of the nurse's office.

This was odd.

You were perfectly capable of escorting yourself to class.

You decided you should at least try to make conversation.

"Thank you for taking me." You fidget with your sleeves a bit.

"Anytime, but that don't mean you get to pass out on me anytime, eh?" He chuckles a bit and you smile.

"I'll try not to."

"Hey Kan, whatcha doing after school today?"

"Kankri," you corrected "And nothing. What do you suggest?"

"Just hang?"

"'Just hang?' May I ask what that is and what it entails?" you question, your head tilted a bit to the side.

You've both stopped walking at this point and are standing in the middle of the empty hall.

"Music, movies, we talk about stuff. Ya know. I got a sweet setup in my bedroom. Huge television, great speakers. The works. You interested?"

You make a confused face. Why was he so suddenly interested in hanging out with you.

"May I ask what caused you to ask me to hang out so suddenly?"

It was probably because all his other friends were either in the hospital or in heaps of trouble.

But you were still allowed to be curious.

"You're my friend, thought we could just hang outside a' school for once."

Wait. What?

You were his friend?

You cleared your throat.

"Well… I don't see an issue with that. I shall inform my brother of it as soon as I get a chance." You nod.

He cracks a crooked grin and goes to pat you on the shoulder but stops.

Well he freezes actually and just drops his hand to his side and offers you a smile instead.

It seems he's picked up on that.

You look at him and bite your lip.

"It's not that I don't like it, being touched by people without my knowing or consent really bothers me. I get panic attacks easily… Same with crowded places." You explain quietly.

His face flashes from one of confusion to one of understanding. All the pieces must have fallen into place.

Why you panic when he sits too close to you, why you jump when you're touched. Why you shake in the cafeteria or hallways.

"Gotcha. Now. I think we got a class to get you to."

You nod again and start off in the direction of your class; any feelings of disgust and self-hatred being long gone.

The rest of your day is, as usual, pretty freaking uneventful.

And the only thing on your mind is getting to hang out with Cronus after school.

What would you do?

What would his house be like?

His parents?

Okay maybe you were a little worked up over this, but you were definitely not nervous.

Nope.

Not you.

Never.

While walking out to the bus a familiar voice catches your ear. It sounds like… Cronus?

You look around and of course, there he is. He's waving you over, you smile and walk over to him. He's smiling that crooked smile again.

It almost makes you smile wider.

"Hey chief! Ya ready to go?"

You nod.

"Yes, I am ready. Are we taking the bus or..?"

He smirks and points in the student parking lot.

Oh.

Oh nooo.

You quickly look back to him.

"I am NOT riding that, are you aware of how unsafe those things are? Do they even have seatbelts. I doubt it! If we got into a crash you'd die! Then what! What is it with you and th-,"

You're silenced by a helmet being placed over your head.

Where even did that come from?

Where did the motorcycle even come from? He rode the bus this morning!

You force a pout.

"There ya go. Now you won't die."

You glare up at him.

He smirks again and starts to lead you over to the beautiful slick black Harley Davidson motorcycle.

"Okay, now. When ya get on ya gotta hold on to me? Okay?"

Oh. This was… well, you should have guessed you'd have to hold onto something.

You just nod dumbly and wait until he gets on. You slowly slide yourself on behind him.

"Cronus, aren't you going to wear a helmet as well?"

You slip your arms around his waist and… Hey. This isn't as uncomfortable as you thought it would be.

He shakes his head.

"Nah, just brought one for you."

He brought one for you?

Had he planned on asking you over?

You smile a little at that.

You slowly nod and he starts the engine.

You definitely just yelped.

And he definitely laughed at you. You clung to him tighter as he started to speed out of the parking lot.

But yelping aside, you were now grinning as wide as you could manage.

A new feeling spreading itself through your limbs. Your head felt dizzy and your chest was swirling.

You felt happy. You felt safe. And most of all you felt free.

You didn't want to ever get off.


	4. You Can't Tame These Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> totally platonic snuggles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> commissions and stuff at threehundredlittleducklings.tumblr.com

The ride there was short and full of excitement. You clung for your life to Cronus' back and you couldn't have been happier.

When the bike halted to a stop, you must have let out an audible groan because the man you were clinging to chuckled.

"Ya had fun?" He tilts his head back to look at you.

You just tug the helmet off and nod, your grin being enough of a tell. Of course you had fun.

He smiles and nods.

"Good."

He steps off the motorcycle and offers to help you off, you stupidly explain to him that you can surely do it yourself, and end up falling flat on your face.

Well you almost did.

Thankfully right before you hit the ground a pair of muscular arms wrapped around you and yanked you back up.

"Woah woah woaahh, careful there." He chuckles a bit.

You feel your cheeks get warm at the closeness and clear your throat.

He curses under his breath and smiles awkwardly before letting you go.

"Sorry 'bout that. Wanna go in? Mama should be home soon I think."

"I'd love to!" You nod and follow him into his large white home.

The second you stepped foot in the door, you were shocked.

The place was…well… classy.

It was clean, it smelled nice, everything was organized and the interior decorating was just magnificent.

"Wooowww… Everything is so…nice."

He just laughs a bit.

"What did you expect?"

"Well… a lot less nice, a lot less organization, clothes everywhere, and possibly the smell of smoke?"

You hear a rather low laugh from inside the other room and a larger man walks in.

"Cro what kind'a impression you got on this one that he thinks ya live like an animal?"

Cronus grins when he sees the man and he practically drags you over to him, you can't help but tense ever so slightly.

"Nah, Kankri's a good kid Pops! Kankri, this is my dad." He jerks a thumb at the man.

The round man just smiles at Cronus.

"Kankri, huh?"

He looks back at you and smiles.

"I've heard good things 'bout ya."

You were raised to be very polite. So you do as you were taught and stick out your hand to shake.

"Kankri Vantas, sir. It's a pleasure to meet you." The man gives Cronus an amused look before shaking your hand.

"You can call me Jack. Ain't no need for 'sir' in this house. Nice ta' have you over. Cro don't have many good friends he likes to have over."

You smile slightly as he releases your hand.

Cronus clears his throat.

"Wanna go see my room?"

You smile up at him and offer a nod, before you know it he's bolting up the stairs, causing you to sort of jog after him.

His room is more or less what you expected.

It reeks of smoke and old cologne and there are clothes strewn about, but you can't help but smile.

"This is what I expected the rest of your house to look like."

He seems to nervously rub the back of his head and smile.

"So ya like it? It's kinda messy but.."

You take a moment to actually look around; the walls are a gorgeous purple color with posters from old bands and movies he liked. The bed was messy and a large tv was on the wall in front of it, setting in the corner was an old bass guitar and some sheet music. The dresser directly under the tv was cluttered with empty cigarette packs, bottles, hair gel and random papers.

You don't realize your mouth is agape until Cronus speaks up.

"Kan…?"

You shake your head and turn to face him, smiling slightly.

"Although it's very unorganized and reeks of you… I like it."

He nods with a crooked smile and flops back on his bed with a low grunt.

You follow suit but with what you like to think is a bit more gracefulness.

You roll over on your stomach face him.

"So what are we going to do while I'm over?"

He scratches his chin a bit.

"Ya like movies? Cookies maybe? Ma's great at baking. Maybe stay the night I don't know."

You smile at the mention of movies.

"I'd love to watch movies. And.. Yes I do like cookies I suppose; but I am not sure if I feel….comfortable sleeping over. I do hope you understand."

He just shrugs it off and sits up.

"What movie first?" He opens a closet and points to a large selection of movies, you stare at the large stack in awe before walking over to choose one.

"So," you start as you search through the movies, "Your father said you don't have many friends over? May I inquire as to why?"

He sighs.

"Ah, it ain't like Kurloz and Meulin don't like hangin'… They just.. They're not my cup 'a tea I guess. Ma and Pop don't like Meulin won't go much a' anywhere without him… So.. Ya know. Most of them bein' over is sloppy makeouts between the two."

You flip over a copy of Grease, god this movie case had been worn out.

Probably been watched a thousand times.

"Why me? I've seen you at lunch, you have several more friends I'm sure."

He shrugs.

"Nah. Plus you're interesting. I like the way ya think."

You stand and walk to the bed, the copy of Grease in hand.

"What do you mean 'the way I think'?" You sit on the edge of his bed and offer him the movie.

He takes it with a smile and stands.

"Well ya know, you like to talk. You're goddamn smart as ever and you worry about everyone. Sorta a big change from any of my other friends ya know. Plus you're cute."

You froze up and shifted uncomfortably.

"Ah, well thank you I suppose… but please do refrain from calling me such things as 'cute' seeing as they make me rather uncomfortable…"

He puts the dvd in the player and nods.

"Gotcha. But ya know what you just said there? You told me what ya felt and why. Most people don't do that. Ever. I like it on ya. Suits you."

He plops down on the bed and lays back. He pats the seat next to him.

"Wanna sit? I don't bite too hard. Unless you're into that."

You frown and gently hit him in the arm.

"D-Don't say such things around me!"

Regardless, you scoot up closer to him and he watches you for a moment before starting the movie.

Suddenly the room just feels very…hot. It's too warm. You need to take your sweater off….

But.

You never take your sweater off.

Never.

You fidget in your seat.

"Cronus? Um…if it isn't too much to ask, do you think you could lend me a shirt? It's…rather warm and I don't seem to be wearing anything under my sweater…." You tug on the collar of the sweater a bit.

He looks over at you.

"Huh? Yea sure. Hold on." Before you know it, he's up and at his closet, he tosses you a plain black shirt.

"Change in here or the bathroom, it's out the door and down the hall, first door on your right."

You stare at the shirt for a bit before looking back at him.

"Will I fit in it?" He stops for a moment.

"What? Of course you will. Shits too big on me even."

Yea, ouch.

That sort of hurt you and you weren't even really sure why. You just bite your lip uncomfortably and grab the shirt before exiting the room.

You find his bathroom easy enough and close the door behind you.

You take a breath and slowly pull the sweater over your head.

Why were you doing this?

Your sweater was your safety blanket in a way.

You wouldn't even take it off at home most of the time.

But nonetheless, you fold it up neatly, refusing to look in the mirror as you pull on the black shirt.

It smells like Cronus.

Cigarettes and Cologne.

You take a deep breath and try to calm yourself down a little bit.

You slowly look up to see yourself in the mirror, your pale arms and neck exposed, your face just a bit darker…and a bit…redder?

Were you…blushing?

You gently touch your cheek to discover it's rather warm.

Maybe you were ill.

Kankri Vantas, did not blush.

Okay maybe he blushed occasionally; but not because of some disgusting cigarette smoke and cologne.

Okay…. Maybe he did blush at the smell of cigarettes and cologne. But never would he admit it.

Your hands shake softly as you try to fix your hair a bit, the attempt proving futile.

You hear a knock at the door and jump slightly, causing a comb to fall onto the floor; you quickly kneel down to pick it up.

"Hey Kan? Ya okay in there?"

"Y-Yea! Sorry for making you wait!"

You quickly place the comb back on the counter and open the door, your cheeks still red.

"You alright chief?"

You nod slowly and grab your sweater, pulling it to your chest.

He leads you back into his room and sits on his bed, patting the seat beside him again.

You take it and the movie starts up again.

(CRONUS' POINT OF VIEW!)

You don't know when it happened, and to be quite honest, you could give a shit less when it happened.

All you know now is that there is a sleeping brunette pressed against you and he's fuckin' adorable.

Of course it is pretty late…and it would be just plain rude. To wake him, so you pick up your phone and dial Karkat's phone.

"Who in fuck are you and what in the holy fuck do you want?"

"Cronus Ampora, got your number from Kan, Just called to inform you that Kankri's stayin' the night."

You hear silence on the other line for a good minute.

"What."

"Kanny here is sleepin' over."

"'Kanny'? oh my god. Do not call him that he will rip out your throat. Any fucking way. Why the hell is he staying over? He barely fucking leaves his room and I've never hear d him talk about you before and that asshole talks about everything. Does he need clothes or anything? He could have fucking called. Where is he?"

You smirk. You're definitely going to call him Kanny more often.

"Kid's asleep next to me in my shirt. Don't worry I got this."

You hang up and smirk as you hear Karkat cursing at you on the other end.

You look at the clock on your phone and smile to yourself.

12:02 am.

You set your alarm for 11am and toss your phone across the room so you're forced to search for it in the morning to shut off the alarm. Brilliant plan.

You glance over at Kankri once again and take in his features.

Short, adorably chubby, gorgeous green eyes, wild yet perfect dark hair, and a gorgeous complexion.

Yea, you weren't gonna lie.

You had it bad for him.

It dawned on you a couple days ago while the two of you were talking about sexism in music.

You really liked him.

You like hearing him talk.

You love it actually.

And he'd been more or less upset when you'd called him cute.

But you could live with that, if he didn't feel the same way about you that was fine.

You're sure as long as he still looks at you, talks to you, and smiles around you… well… as long as he was happy, then you'd be just fine.


	5. Fuck You Eridan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eridan is an asshat.
> 
> Breakfast.
> 
> Shit goes down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that warning for sorta mentions of eating disorders and/or disordered eating behavior comes into play
> 
> I personally know that reading stuff of that nature can be really...for lack of a better word, triggering to someone who has or is dealing with an ED.
> 
> Love ya'll.
> 
> commissions and stuff at threehundredlittleducklings.tumblr.com

You were shocked when you woke. For a bit you were honestly terrified. You couldn't move and all you could hear was a woman humming. You struggled for a bit until you realized that the restraints were arms.

Very, very muscular arms.

Cronus' arms.

You quickly look over at him and he's snoring into the pillow, his arms draped around you in a sort of semi-cuddle-hug.

You didn't tense.

You didn't even try to move for some odd reason.

You felt really safe.

You just stayed perfectly still, eyes closed, a small smile on your face, that is until the door flung wide open and a loud whistle could be heard.

You shot up and quickly covered yourself, even if you were fully clothed, you still felt indecent.

All you hear from Cronus is a low, angry "god-damnit"

"W-wow Cro. Is this your new-w boyfriend?" The voice was slightly nasally and had a bit of a stutter it made you uncomfortable.

You hear a low growl and Cronus raises his right hand to the boy in a rather indecent gesture.

"Cronus!" you hiss quietly. "Be nice!"

"You better be damn special kid. Cronus' fucked half a' the damn city."

"Fuckin' lies." Cronus growls into his pillow.

For some reason you feel your heart drop into your stomach.

The boy smirks again and leans against the door frame.

"Mm, I bet he feeds ya and kicks ya out. Never to be seen again. Just a little fuck toy. Nothin' more~"

At this, Cronus hops up and slams the door in the boy's face, growling.

"ERIDAN GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY GODDAMN ROOM AND LEAVE KANKRI THE FUCK ALONE IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! SO HELP ME GOD I WILL FUCKIN' DESTROY EVERYTHIN' YOU LOVE!"

You jump slightly at the loud yelling and pull the cover around yourself tighter.

You feel sick.

"You okay Kan?"

You nod slightly.

"Mmhm.."

"Sorry about him… he's always like that."

You wanted your sweater back. Your jaw was tight again, and your chest felt fluttery like before.

Hurt? Nah, this wasn't hurt. And maybe it wasn't hurt before either.

You felt invaded.

You wanted to leave.

Apparently Cronus had been talking because he's now looking at you with concern, he sits on the bed in front of you and frowns a bit.

"Kankri…?"

You don't even look up at him, you just stand and walk off to the bathroom with your sweater clutched tightly in your hands.

He lets you go in silence.

When you come back out, his shirt is in your hands and you place it on top of your school bag.

He's not in the room so you walk downstairs to find him, your fists comfortably balled up in your sleeves.

A short woman smiles at you and. Wait.

That's Ms. Black.

She just grins at you.

"Morning sweetie! Did you sleep well?"

You nod, still confused as to why she was here.

Cronus' father, Jack, was seated at the kitchen table reading a book.

He smiled up at you, a pipe in his mouth.

You hear footsteps behind you.

"Mornin' ma!"

Ms. Black grins at him.

Cronus walks over to her and hugs her tightly, she hugs back just as tight, getting a bit of flour on his jeans from her apron.

"Good morning to you too!"

You're caught off guard when he walks over to you and smiles.

"Want to go get some breakfast?"

No not really.

"Mmhm."

He nods and walks back up to his room to grab his wallet and your bag.

Once you have your bag you walk outside.

You finally speak up.

"Is he your brother…?"

He just nods.

"Sadly… Yes. Motorcycle or car?" he says as he motions to the driveway.

"Motercycle… but please do wear a helmet…"

"Gotcha."

"Is Ms. Black you r mother?"

"Adoptive mother. Jack's my adoptive father. Missy an' him took Eridan and I in when our parents decided to ditch us. Been here ever since."

He says it with a smile and walks into the garage and pulls out two helmets.

"Eridan took black. Red or Purple?"

"Red." He nods and gently places the purple helmet securely over your head and shoves the purple one onto his.

He slipped onto the bike and you followed suit, wrapping your arms tightly around him, pressing the cheek of your helmet to his back.

Before you knew it you had started off in the direction of town.

You couldn't help the smile that tugged at the corner of your lips.

You were able to calm down on the bike ride. You were still puzzled as to why what Eridan had said made you so upset.

Maybe you'd believed that he would actually just kick you out and never talk to you again?

Everything was still a bit confusing but you could manage.

"Kankri!"

A voice snapped you out of your thoughts and you looked up to meet a semi-concerned Cronus.

"Ya okay? You been starin' at the menu there for like 15 minutes."

Oh yea, you're at breakfast.

You nod.

"I'm alright, thank you. Just thinking."

He takes this as a good enough answer and places his menu down.

"Ready to order?"

You nod slowly and close your menu.

Of course you weren't.

That meant you had to eat.

And you dreaded the feeling of disgust that eating caused you.

When the waitress comes up you both place your orders.

Cronus gets some steak and eggs.

You finally decide on some eggs, toast and bacon.

The two of you make idle conversation while you await breakfast.

"So your father is one of those hard core Christians? Jesus Kan, I don't know how you do it. Jack's all cool with everythin'. Hell they let me smoke."

"He's not that bad…"

"He against gays and all that shit?"

You nod.

"Then he's pretty bad. You Christian?"

You have to think before answering, you'd assumed you were for most of your life, but you'd never read the bible. You didn't actually believe in a God. You believed everyone was equal, but you believed that life was a miracle of its own creation. Not a miracle of supernatural creation.

He just chuckles at your silence.

"Calm down kid, you look like I asked ya the secret to life. I could care less what ya believe. Personally I'm atheist, but that's just me."

"Thank you Cronus." You smile slightly at him.

You're only slightly shocked when a plate of food is set down in front of you.

It smelled absolutely wonderful. Cronus smiles and almost immediately starts to eat his.

You on the other hand, take your time.

Your stomach growls loudly and you bite your lip.

You're going to have to.

You suck in a deep breath and start to eat.

You must look utterly disgusted because Cronus stops eating to look at you.

"Kanny? What's wrong, is it gross?"

You shake your head.

"No. And I'd like it if you'd refrain from watching me eat…" you stare down into your lap as you eat, your hand trembling as you hold the fork and put it to your mouth again.

A voice screams at you in the back of your head and your stomach twists painfully again.

'YOU DON'T NEED TO EAT YOU'RE ALREADY FAT ENOUGH! YOU REALLY THINK ANYONE'S EVER GOING TO LIKE YOU IF YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ALREADY DO? YOU'RE A FAILURE. FATASS.'

Six bites in you make a whimpering noise and drop your fork.

You know he's been watching you... he looks worried again.

But you don't really care anymore.

You slowly stand up and make an attempt to straighten out the creases in your sweater.

"C-cronus if you'll excuse me I need to use the restroom."

Your voice cracks. You're sure of it.

He looks at you for a moment, quiet.

"Go 'head." He nods at you and you rush off to the restroom all too fast.

Cronus' POV

Of course you heard it. The whole damn place probably heard it.

One Kankri Vantas was most definitely spilling his guts into a toilet at the moment.

Poor kid, must be sick…

The noises stopped a little bit ago but he stayed in there.

It had been 15 minutes. You figured you could check on him now, so you paid and stood up.

You slowly made your way to the bathroom door and froze in front of it.

What was that?

Crying?

You'd never admit to it but that made your chest ache.

Your fist found the door and you knocked slowly, clearing your throat.

"You okay? Wanna let me in if you're decent?"

You hear some sniffling noises and some shuffling; the door unlocks but doesn't open.

You take a breath and run your hand through your hair.

You open the door and the sight before you breaks your heart to pieces.

He's sitting in the far corner of the single person restroom, his knees to his chest, his face against his knees, tears streaming down his face.

You feel your chest ache and you rush over beside him and quickly sit beside him and throw an arm around him.

"Shh.. Shhh.. Whas' wrong? It's gonna be okay…just calm down okay?"

He looked up at you, tears staining his olive complexion and did something that shocked you completely..

(Kankri's POV)

You don't understand why you did it. But you did. And it felt nice.

The moment he was there asking what was wrong, you'd just stared at him and pulled yourself onto his lap and wrapped your arms tightly around him, burying your face into his shirt.

He did the opposite of protest.

He just pulled you closer and rubbed your back softly. Whispering to you 'just stay calm' and 'it will all be okay'. He was warm, he was comforting, and he made you feel safe.

You sobbed into his chest, gripping at the fabric of his shirt.

Did he know what you just did?

Did he know why?

You felt like crap.

You felt useless.

Your throat burned.

You needed someone.

You didn't even protest when he lifted you up and carried you out of the bathroom.

You didn't even hear him call his mother.

And you didn't care when you were sitting in the back of her car still pressed to her son's chest.

You just cried.

You weren't even crying because of what you'd just done anymore.

You were remembering everything you could have possibly been upset over.

You were crying about stress.

You were crying about lack of friends.

About love.

About your self-hatred.

About your father.

About your brother.

About everything.

Eventually, you couldn't cry anymore, so you didn't. Crying had started to make your eyes hurt. You had a terrible headache and you just wanted to sleep.

Cronus was still sitting in the back seat of the car looking down over you, his left hand gently rubbing your back, his right gently wiping tears from under your eyes.

"You okay now..?" his voice was soft, and it wavered a little, but you just nodded and rubbed at your eyes.

You want to say thank you but you can't. Nothing would come out of your mouth.

You close your mouth again and look around.

You were sitting in his driveway, still in his car. His mother must have gone inside.

How long had you been here?

You stare up at him for a moment and rest your head back on his chest with a soft sigh.

He smiles gently down at you and leans his forehead against your head.

"Wanna tell me what's at ya?"

"….I…"

You want to.. you really do.

Talking about it was supposed to help. Right?

Instead you shake your head.

"No…."

He finds that good enough and opens the door of the car.

"Mind if I carry ya inside?"

You shake your head.

You don't care at all. You don't really want to leave him right now.

So he does, he gets out of the car with you still in his arms, and he carries you inside and upstairs to his bedroom.

He doesn't let you go even then actually, he sits on his bed and pulls you close.

"Somethin's upsetin' ya… Is it cause ya got sick?"

You tense a bit and slowly nod.

"Oh. You feelin' better now..? Just got sick from the food?"

You just nodded.

He thought you were ill.

He didn't know that you went in that restroom with the intention to do whatever it took to make the negative thoughts stop.

And he didn't know that you'd shoved your fingers down your throat to silence them.

You supposed he didn't need to know.

Nobody did really.

You glanced up at him and rested your chin on his chest, staring at him for a moment before clearing your throat a bit.

"May I stay another night….?"

He gently pushed some hair from your eyes and nodded.

"Course ya can."


	6. Snow Balls and Some Stuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snowballs, karezi or whatever that ship name is called.
> 
> Cronus is busy with something.
> 
> Roxy Lalonde makes a cameo.
> 
> Kanny baby wants to make a snow angel.

That’s how you ended up here.

Snuggled against him, in his shirt, in his bed, watching his movies.

And you really would rather be no place else.

You smile happily to yourself as you watch some terrible movie from the 80’s.

“Mm.. Kanny you gotta move. I need ‘a go smoke.”

You frown a little as you feel him try to sit up.

You really did not want him to leave.

“Smoke here…”

He frowned down at you and rubbed his chin, a little bit of stubble starting to grow.

“Kankri you hate the smell. Bad enough you gotta be in my room.”

“..don’t hate it.” You mutter into his shirt.

“Smoke here.” you repeat. “Stay here please?” 

You wish you could erase that last line and at least TRY to sound like you don’t care.

You clear your throat and try to explain your actions.

“You’re comfortable….”

Hey, at least it was true.

He was like a huge, muscular, comfortable pillow. That just so happened to have a smoking problem.

He reaches in his pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes.

“Whatever you say Kanny.”

You yawn and smile up at him.

“Kankri…”

You jokingly correct him.

The nickname doesn’t really bother you anymore.

You hear him light the cigarette and the next thing you know, the smell of smoke invades your nostrils.

You smile softly and close your eyes, your mind flickering to a conversation you had with him a while ago.

_“I like the smell, it grows on ya’ after a while”_

Indeed it did…

It was a terrible habit, awful…disgusting and potentially deadly.

But the smell made you calm, and it made you feel safe.

It reminded you of him…

The thought made you blush a little but he probably didn’t notice.

At least you hope he didn’t.

He gently runs his fingers through your hair.

“Get some sleep…”

You opened your eyes to look up at him and he smiled down at you, cigarette hanging out of his mouth loosely.

For the first time in a while, you fell asleep in peace.

-

The two of you continued to hang out like that just about every weekend since then.

You’d come over on Friday, and you wouldn’t be home until Monday after school.

Ms. Bl-… You mean _Missy_ and Jack didn’t care at all. They actually loved having you over.

They’d jokingly called you their ‘second son’.

Which you supposed you liked.

Your father wasn’t ever around much anyway.

It was now December.

And the ground was covered in snow.

You’re fairly sure it wasn’t like that when you fell asleep. But at least that meant no school.

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT THE HELL IS WITH ALL THIS GODDAMN SNOW!?”

Well Karkat’s up now…

You stand up from your bed and stretch out,  a smile tugging at your lips.

It’s been  5 weeks since you first stayed at Cronus’s house.

And he’d made you a lot happier to say the least.

You still don’t tell him everything, and that is always eating away at you.

But he doesn’t need to know that you can’t keep food down.

Nobody does. . .

It’s not like you have an eating disorder or anything.

You just….sometimes make yourself vomit.

And…you sometimes don’t eat very much.

Okay, most of the time, but only when you think you’ve ate too much.

You’ve finally got the hang of eating small amounts and keeping them down.

But it _definitely_  wasn’t an eating disorder.

You weren’t ‘bad enough’ you told yourself.

You were just a fat kid who hated himself and did not need to eat.

You were just someone who couldn't control their eating habits.

_"it's nothing too bad! It'll be okay, you'll stop when you lose weight."_

Worse lies had never been thought.

-

You go about your morning routine as usual; get dressed, weigh yourself, brush your teeth, attempt to fix your hair, walk downstairs, etc.

The house is empty and silent when you make your way down the creaky staircase; you smile softly and open the front door after pulling on your jacket.

Karkat and that girl, Terezi, are out there tossing snow balls at each other.

The girl has surprisingly good aim, whereas Karkat misses almost everytime.

She’s wrapped up in a thick teal bubble coat and he’s pretending to be ‘badass’ and is only wearing a thin sweater.

He’s probably freezing… but hey, people do weird things to impress those they love.

You smile softly before pulling your keys out of your pocket.

“Karkat? Will you please be so kind as to text Cronus and tell him I’ll be over soon?”

The girl, Terezi, comes running at you before you can get the door open and tackles you.

“KANKRI! Oh my gosh you smell so good! What is that! Oh my gosh you smell so adorable in that sweater!!” And she licks your cheek…

She. LICKS. Your cheek.

It’s safe to say you’re freaking out just a little, but you’re slowly getting used to her lack of boundaries.

Karkat says she’s blind and ‘smells’ things instead of seeing.

Whatever works for her you guess.

“K-Karkat get her off!”

“Sorry fuckface. Can’t. You said it yourself. Something about sexism. Anyway. I text your fucking greaser boyfriend and told him you’d be over.”

“He’s not my boyfriend Karkat!! And I’d appreciate it if you’d stop making assumptions to my sexuality, such assumptions are extremely rude and bother me very much! You should know this.”

You open the door to your car and get in before closing the cold out quickly.

He’d been making jabs at you for being  gay all week.

You were NOT gay.

You’d said that a thousand times this week.

Not just to him…

To yourself as well.

You wanted to scream those words out at everyone.

You, Kankri Vantas, were not a homosexual.

You were raised better than that.

What would father say?

What would Cronus think?

Karkat didn’t care at all, because he identified as bisexual.

But father did not know that, and you doubt he would care as much about Karkat’s identity as yours.

Father ‘gave up’ on Karkat years ago due to his temper…

But at least Karkat was dating a lady.

A very weird lady, but still a lady.

And were questioning your sexuality over a few PLATONIC snuggles and sleepovers….

-

The ride over there was great.

You were thinking of all the great things that you and Cronus would get to do in the snow.

Like Snow Angels.

You’d always wanted to make a Snow Angel.

You pulled in the driveway with a smile on your face.

Maybe you two can do that?

When you ran up to the door and knocked you were met with a rather surprised Mr. Black.

“Hi! Is Cronus over?”

Of course he was.

He never left his room.

“Uh, yeah, he’s upstairs but he’s with someone.”

With someone?

“That’s okay, he knows I’m coming over!”

Mr. Black nodded a bit and let you inside.

Who was he with?

Kurloz was finally out of the hospital, so it might be him and Meulin.

Maybe Mituna even.

Either way you rushed upstairs and stopped in front of his door to kno-

You froze in place.

Was that….was that what you thought it was?

You stayed silent and of course it happened again.

A moan.

You pulled your hands up into your sleeves nervously.

“Mmm~ Yea Roxy!”

Another moan.

You felt sick.

You felt…hurt.

Your jaw was trembling and tight at the same time.

Your chest was hurting and it felt like it was sinking in on itself at the same time.

 -

On the other side of the door you heard a female voice making noises and you were fairly sure you knew what caused them.

You let out a strangled cry and quickly ran downstairs, past Mr and Ms Black and you bolted to your car.

You opened the door and got in, but not without slamming the door first.

You were angry…

You were angry, and hurt…

You had no justifiable reason to be..

Cronus was allowed to have a girlfriend…

He wasn’t... _yours._

You gripped the steering wheel tightly and turned on your car.

You tried to stay as calm as possible, but the tears managed to come through.

You shook as you drove.

You sobbed, and cursed and screamed.

 

Luckily the drive home was only a few minutes..

When you pulled in the drive way Karkat and Terezi were both still outside.

You turned off the ignition and got out.

You couldn’t keep your hands from shaking, and you couldn’t hide your red face or the tears streaming down your face as you rushed inside.

-

(CRONUS’ POV)

-

You both huffed as you lay there, she snuggled as close to you as possible, her bony hip poking into you.

“Mm, Cronus baby I gotta be home soon before lil’ Rosie starts to worry~”

She pouted as she stood up and started to pull her clothes on.

You eyed her for a bit before reaching for your phone.

2:33 pm.

And what…5 new messages?

All from Karkat Vantas.

You sat up and ran a hand through your sweaty hair.

\-----

_From: Karkat V. 1:29_

_“Hey douche your boyfriend’s coming over.”_

_From: Karkat V. 2:05_

_“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HIM. SO HELP ME GOD IF I FIND OUT I WILL RIP YOUR FUCKING DICK OFF. DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE’S FUCKING DOING RIGHT NOW? HES LOCKED IN HIS ROOM AND I SWEAR TO GOD I NEED FUCKING SOUND PROOF EARPLUGS BECAUSE THE WHOLE FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD CAN PROBALY HEAR HIS STUPID CRYINGAND I DON’T WANT TO BE FUCKING DEAF.”_

_From: Karkat V. 2:06_

_“GET. OVER. HERE. I WON’T ACTUALLY FUCKING KILL YOU IF YOU FIX THIS.HE WON’T SHUT UP”_

_From: Karkat V. 2:20_

_“Okay I’m not kidding come here now. He’s quiet and you should come now”_

_From: Karkat V. 2:27_

_“please come over her now! I fuckig mean it hurry. He wont answer and his doors locked”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Terribly sorry my loves.
> 
> Yell at me on tumblr.
> 
> threehundredlittleducklings.tumblr.com
> 
> tag your stuff for this story as 
> 
> #cronkri ccas
> 
>  
> 
> ALSO, the next chapter is gonna be HELLA long.
> 
> Well not really, but like...4,000 words?
> 
> and I shall see it.


	7. Father I Assure You I'll Be a Better Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically takes off after the last chapter.

 

**(cronus pov)**

 

You froze in place, Roxy was saying something but you couldn’t hear her.

 

Before you knew it you were jumping up and pulling on whatever clothing you could find.

 

“Sorry Rox, gotta find your own way home!”

You left her up in your room despite her protests; you rushed down the stairs and out the front door.

You were breathing harshly as you jumped on your motercyle and sped out of the driveway and down the street.

Thousands of things ran through your mind.

He heard.

He was obviously hurt.

Why hadn’t you checked your phone earlier.

Was he okay?

YOU. Caused this.

You hurt him.

You growled and sped up, easily breaking any speed limit set.

You hated yourself right now.

You were a selfish asshole.

 

You pulled into the Vantas residence with a  loud screech from the breaks and jumped off as quick as you could.

You practically ripped the door off as you ran inside.

You heard Karkat yell for you upstairs.

You bolted up those damn stairs like your life depended  on it.

“Where is he!?” You huffed, your hair a mess and your shirt on backwards.

“Locked in his room. We can’t get the door open. What should we d- HEY FUCKFACE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU D-,”

Your foot seemed to open the door well enough.

“I’ll buy you a fucking door, shut the fuck up.” You growled, more angry at yourself than anything,

You rushed inside Kankri’s room and called out for him.

“Kan?”

You hear a small noise coming from his bed and you run over as quick as you could.

He’s lying there, passed out on one of your shirts you let him borrow, a bottle of pills clutched in his hand.

 

-

**(KANKRI’S POV)**

-

When you made it up to your room, you slammed the door and locked it.

You couldn’t stop crying.

You stumbled over to the drawer in your room and opened it up, you wiped at the tears on your face before pulling it out.

You were tired.

You had Tylenol for headaches.

But you rarely used them.

But now you needed sleep.

And something told you that these would help.

You needed to not be awake.

So you did something stupid.

You took 9.

At least you think it was 9.

It’s just Tylenol…what harm can it do?

All you know is that you should probably lay down, so you do.

You lay down on your bed and you sob, you sob and sob and sob until you pass out in a cold slumber.

-

You think you hear something being yelled in the distance.

You look around and nobody is there, it’s just you, alone in the dark.

You feel cool enough.

It’s not hot or cold. It’s a very lukewarm temperature in the darkness.

You smile to yourself.

“Kankri!!”

The word is quiet, but you definitely hear it.

Kankri? Who’s that?

Oh right, that’s you.

And that voice is...Karkat?

Suddenly your world shifts from complete peaceful darkness and lukewarm temperature to an insanely bright freezing cold hell.

Your eyes fly open and you struggle helplessly against the restraints as you’re being strapped down to something.

You quickly look around. You’re outside and you’re being hauled onto an ambulance.

Paramedics are yelling to each other around you.

You look for him and you can’t find him.

Cronus is not there..

“k’rkat…”

Before you know it a tanned hand is placed over yours, you look up at him.

He’s wearing a scowl as usual, but the worry is apparent.

“…dumbass….you had us worried. What the hell were you thinking??”

You smile weakly at him as the doors shut to the ambulance and the two of you are hauled off to the hospital.

-

The paramedics get everything they can out of you.

How many pills you took.

You answered with “I think 9”

“I needed to sleep” you said.

It was true enough.

Were you trying to kill yourself?

You couldn’t answer this one.

You weren’t.

But you probably wouldn’t have put up a fight if you happened to take enough to kill yourself.

“No.” you finally give the woman an answer.

-

You’ve been here for hours, staring at the wall in front of you.

They took your sweater, and you’re sitting in the bed wearing a rather revealing hospital gown.

_“Where is he?”_

_“Not allowed anywhere near you. Ever.”_

Ever…

The conversation with your father echoed in your head.

He told you that Cronus was not allowed to see you.

He didn’t even know what happened between the two of you.

But as far as he was concerned…Cronus had said something to you, or done something to you that made you want to die.

And you suppose he was right.

It did make you want to die.

But you weren’t actually trying to die.

If you had wanted that, you would have taken the entire bottle.

That’s how long until you could leave.

_“72 hours.”_

_“Suicide watch.”_ They had said.

You sigh and press at your eyes with your palms.

It was one in the morning and you were still awake.

You couldn’t sleep…

You glance over at Karkat asleep in the chair beside you, his phone on the side table.

You watch him for a bit more before reaching out to grab it.

You unlock the touch screen and bring up his contact. You hit “dial” and press the phone to your ear.

It was answered almost immediately.

“How is he??? Is he okay? What’s the mat-,”

“Cronus…” you stopped him.

Your voice was quiet and still a bit shaken up.

“Kankri…oh… Um…Are ya’ okay?” his voice was wavering, he sounded like he was worried beyond belief.

“Mm…Can’t sleep…. Sorry…”

“Don’t…please don’t be sorry. Kanny , I-,”

“Kankri…” you corrected a bit too harshly.

He was quiet for a moment before continuing.

“Kankri…I’m sorry, if I had known you were coming o-,”

You huff and growl slightly.

Still a little agitated from today’s happenings.

“If what? If you’d known I would’ve came over then you would have waited to have sex with her until later?? Seriously!? I’m not upset because I almost walked in on you _fucking_ someone!”

You didn’t realize you were almost yelling. And you didn’t realize you’d said a variation of the word “fuck” until the other line was silent for a while.

You take a breath to try to calm yourself.

“Why are ya’ upset then…?”

He kept his tone down and remained calm.

It’s your turn to be silent now.

“Kankri..?”

You answer by making a quiet groaning noise.

He doesn’t answer.

You sigh and decide that an honest answer won’t hurt.

“I was going to come over and hang out…Karkat said he’d text you, so I assumed you at least knew I was going to be there.. Your father informed me that you had someone over, but I thought it was probably Kurloz or somebody, considering they are better.. I stopped in front of your door and I was going to knock.. But I heard…. _her_ with _you._ And then I felt sick… so…I left… t-that’s all.”

Well partially honest answer at least.

You had the decency to omit the part about feeling stupid, and useless, and very hurt; he didn’t need to know that.

“So… you _are_ upset that I fucked ‘er.” It was a statement, not a question.

“I guess…”

You hear him chuckle a bit and it makes you growl quietly.

“What’s so funny? I fail to see the humor in ANY of this!”

“Nothin’… Just… You’re jealous, it’s kinda funny. Sorry.”

Your face flushes and you huff before pulling the phone away from your  face and pushing the ‘end call’ button on the screen all too quickly.

How dare he find humor in all of this!!

Kankri Vantas does not get jealous.

**-**

**(CRONUS’ POV)**

**-**

“Kankri…?.... Helllooooo?”

Damn it the little shit hung up on you.

You tossed your phone down with a sigh and lay back on your bed.

You lie there thinking for a bit before a huge grin breaks out across your face.

He’s jealous…

He’s totally jealous.

You take a moment to bask in the newfound revelation before realizing the severity of the situation.

He’d almost died.

You fucked up and you made him so upset that he stopped thinking rationally enough to know nine pills were a little too much.

7000 milligrams of that stuff can _KILL_ you...

You’d  fucked up bad enough that he cried and locked himself in his room because of what you’d done.

Okay, well at least in your defense, you _can_ kind of fuck whoever you want… It’s not like he’s your boyfriend or anything….

You roll over in your bed and prop your head up on your pillow.

So why in the hell was he so jealous?

Maybe he’d wanted to spend the day with you and had become jealous when he realized you were hanging with someone else?

Maybe he’d assumed you were dating her…?

You don’t see how that would make him jealous though.

He didn’t like you.

He couldn’t.

He’d said he was straight when you’d asked him once.

                _“So…you ever dated anyone? Boyfrien’s? Girlfrien’s? Significant others of any sort?”_

_“No. I don’t think I ever will. And if I would have it would have been a **girlfriend,** Cronus, I am       heterosexual.”_

The topic was pretty easy to bring up.

You start talking about his brother, and then your brother.

And how Eridan is dating some geeky 20 year old that works in the school’s tech department.

And how Karkat is dating some blind girl with an oral fixation of sorts.

So you asked.

And boy were you disappointed…

You still liked him, of course, and you definitely savor every second you get with him.

But you gave up on getting with him about a week ago.

You gave him opportunities.

Maybe you should go visit him tomorrow and try to ask him why he was so jealous,

If you know anything about Kankri Vantas, it’s that he loves to talk.

-

You wake up the next morning with a pounding headache and a mental checklist already screaming at you.

1-      Clothes

2-      Gift

3-      Kankri

4-      Apologize w/gift

Your plan was foolproof.

Sort of.

Lots of holes and whatnot.

But like swiss cheese, holes are good.

That didn’t even make sense but you didn’t care.

Swiss cheese was the shit.

What do you even get someone like him?

Oh well. You’d figure it out.

You quickly threw on some old clothes and fixed your hair before rushing out the door to your motorcycle.

You hop on without even grabbing a helmet and within a matter of seconds you’re speeding down the road toward the hospital.

-

When you arrive to the hospital you immediately rush inside and stop at the front desk.

“K-Kankri Vantas. What room?”

You’re huffing, slightly out of breath.

“413.”

The lady barely looks up from her computer to answer you.

You nod in thanks and take off to his room.

You completely forgot to get a present!

Oh well, you guess you can manage with a hug or something…

Because you _totally_ do hugs now.

Well, you do Kankri hugs.

And there was that one time Kurloz’s father died.

You hugged the shit out of him then.

Oh yea, back to Kanny.

You’ll save hugging for hanging out later.

If he still ever wants to hang out after this, that is.

Once you get up to his floor, you catch the nurses station in your view and you freeze.

There it is.

Fuck, he was right, they fucking did take it from him.

Jesus Christ, you shouldn’t be this upset over a sweater.

You walk over to the desk and clear your throat to announce your presence.

“Uh… I’m a friend a’ Kankri’s. Would it be a’right if I took his sweater home, seein’ as he isn’t needin’it here.”

The woman looks up at you and shrugs before tossing it at you.

“Sure kid.”

Damn these women were pretty unprofessional.

You grin a little too widely and rush off to his room., you’re pretty sure you almost knocked over a couple of nurses.

But whatever.

You stop in front of his room to take a breath and fix your hair.

You’re scared for once.

This could go 1 of 3 ways.

1-      He accepts your apology and you two make up and HOPEFULLY act like nothing’s happened

2-      He gets super pissed off that you showed up and he makes you leave and he never wants to see you again.

3-      He totally ignores you.

The second option scares the shit out of you.

You couldn’t lose him….

-

His door is open but you can’t see inside, the curtain blocking him from view is pulled.

All you hear is the rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor and the sound of….crying?

You quickly walk into the room and push past the curtain.

He immediately freezes and looks up at you, tears staining his cheeks, his mouth open slightly in surprise.

“Uh… here.” You immediately offer him his sweater before he can talk and he grabs at it frantically and wraps it around himself as best as he can.

“Listen…Kan I-,”

“No. You listen to me…I’m…I’m sorry, I’m stupid, what I did was uncalled for. I felt several different emotions I couldn’t place and I made a stupid decision. My jealousy is unfounded… You should be able to have…. _r-relations_ , with whomever you please. I’m your _friend_ ….not your …lover, and I have no right to be jealous over anyone who is… And as your _friend_ … I’ll be happy for you and whoever you happen to… um….l-love..”

Damn the kid knows just how to break your heart.

You sigh sadly and take a seat next to him on the edge of the bed.

“Kanny…. I don’t love ‘er….Never have, never will. An’ she don’t love me. It was just sex… Terrible sex at that…”

He watches you, waiting for you to continue, so you do.

“Sometimes, when twopeople are single…the get…um…horny and they need to get with someone…ya know…so they hook up. Random sex. Tha’s it. Nothin’ more to it.”

He frowns a bit and slowly nods, sinking into the bed more, part of his face covered by his sweater.

The two of you sit in silence for a good five minutes before you speak up.

“Listen…Kankri…If I ever, _ever_ do anything to make you upset…even a little bit… Tell me and I promise you I’ll stop. I..I didn’t think ya’d care…. Hell…if I’d even thought you’d be hurt a little bit.. I’d have told her no. You’re my best friend Kan, and the last thing I ever wanna do is hurt you…I mean that. I love ya…”

He’s silent for a bit before he wipes his face with his sleeve and scoots over in the bed, softly patting the spot beside him.

His face completely covered by the sweater now.

You slowly slide onto the small bed beside him and wrap an arm around him.

He mutters something and leans into you, occasionally pausing to wipe his cheek.

“What was that? Can’t hear you…” you make sure to keep your voice soft.

Right now is a tender fucking moment and you’re gonna bask in it and try as hard as you can to keep it tender.

“T-Thank *hic* you…”

You’re not sure what for but you smile softly down at him and gently snuggle him.

You’d said what you’d wanted to say… of course he probably thought you meant you loved him like a brother or friend or something.

But it still felt _great_ to get it off your chest.

-

The two of you lie there in silence for a long time, that is until the curtain is yanked open again and a man a few inches shorter than you walks in holding a bible.

“Kankri I-,”

The man froze, his face twisting into a snarl.

“What is _HE_ doing here!? KANKRI! Answer me this instant!”

Kankri, who had been sleeping, quickly wakes up shoots straight up, shaking a little from the sudden yelling.

You glare at theman a bit but _try_ to remain polite.

“Sir I assure you that I-,”

“NO! I don’t want to hear another word out of you!! You’ve tainted my son for the last time! And I won’t have you around him!”

“Tainted…? What the hell are you talking about?”

Kankri just stares at his father wide eyed before quietly speaking up.

“Father.. Cronus is a very good man…what I did to myself had nothing to do with his actions father…”

The man completely ignored his son and kept his glare fixated on you.

“I don’t want you around him! I don’t want you touching him. I don’t want you to speak to him!! Do you understand! Karkat has told me about you! How the two of you are inseparable!! That kind of relationship is unhealthy between two boys! And I don’t want _you_ turning my son into a faggot!! He’s already messed up enough as it is!! Do you understand me?!? I don’t need a faggot for a son!”

The look on Kankri’s face told you everything you needed to know…He was devastated.

His father thought he was messed up. Plus he was not allowed to see you, he took in a sharp breath and pulled his sweater closer to his face.

That was it.

You couldn’t fucking take this anymore.

There was NOTHING wrong with Kankri!

-

Your glare turned downright dangerous and you walked over to the man slowly.

Still attempting to keep your calm the best you can.

His scowl never leaving your direction.

“There is absolutely _nothin’_ wrong with him. And if you can’t fuckin’ see it then you’re a shitty excuse for a father, and that’s comin’ from _me._ I’d never make him do something he doesn’t want to. Ever. And tellin’ him he can’t see his friend because _YOU’RE_ afraid he might be gay is just fucking pitiful! You’re a terrible fath-,”

His hand comes across your cheek rather hard and his voice comes out in a low growl.

“Don’t you DARE insult me! I want you out! Nurse! Nurse, have security escort this man out!”

“No!! Please f-father..I don’t want him to leave!” Kankri’s voice is barely a squeak and he’s obviously hurt and scared.

You wish you could just pick him up and snuggle him and tell him it will be okay.

But you can’t.

His father ignores him and you shoot him a sorry glance, blood dripping down your cheek.

Damn the bastard must have cut you when he hit you.

Oh well.

You glare once more at the sorry-excuse-of-a-father and leave the room quickly before security gets involved.

-

You decide to take the stairs to let out some of your pent up emotions, it made sense in your mind.

So you did.

You stomped down the stairs until you ran right into some asshole that wasn’t looking where they were going.

Well, neither were you.

“WATCH IT ASSHOLE!” your head shoots up.

“Karkat. Sorry man…”

It was indeed an asshole who wasn’t looking where they were going.

He looks up from his phone and frowns a bit.

“Sure. What the hell happened to your fucking face?”

“Your old man hit me.”

You say it with a shrug, it hurt, but you were a man.

You could deal with a little bit of pain.

A lot of pain on a good day.

And if the right person was assisting…

You smirk a bit at that.

He raises his eyebrow.

“Why the fuck did he do that?”

“I didn’t like the way he talked about Kankri so I gave ‘em a piece of my mind.”  
Karkat’s stance suddenly goes protective.

“The hell did he say about him!?”

“He said he didn’t want me to hang with him because _“Kankri’s got enough problems and he doesn’t need to be a..faggot._ ” or somethin’ like that and I lost it. Your old man’s a dick.”

Karkat scowls.

“I’ll fucking deal with him. Go home before your ugly face scares off some children. Don’t worry you’ll be able to see him. He wouldn’t stop fucking asking for you. Jeez he’s needy.”

You smile at that.

Even when you were sure he hated you, even when he should have hated you.

He still missed you.

Karkat watches your face for a bit.

“Listen..Kankri’s been through a lot. Father has put him through a hell of a lot. He has certain…ideas ingrained in his mind. He hates himself, he doesn’t understand how to let people in, like…really let them in. If he doesn’t come around…you know…to you. Sit him down and have a talk with him. He wouldn’t stick around you if he didn’t feel _something._ I know what you did. And I don’t think it’s that big of a deal that you slept with someone.. You’re a single man.. But if anything, his actions should speak loud enough. Kankri hates being touched. And If I fucking have to hear about another ‘snugglefest’ or whatever the hell goes on over at your house. I’m going to vomit. So talk to him. That old fuckface will be gone in a few anyway. He’s just going to give him a lecture about chooseing his friends wisely…whatever.”

You stood there for a minute, stunned that the younger Vantas could be so….helpful?

“T-Thanks…”

“Whatever, get out of here, think of the children asshole.”

You nod and take your leave.

You’ll definitely call later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 7000 mg of acetaminophen will kill you.  
> It's unsafe to take more than like. 3000 I think?  
> Kanny took 9 500mg pills.
> 
> So... like 4500 mg. Enough to kill but not definitely kill someone.
> 
> Also, feel bad for Cronus guys.
> 
> And. Comment happy totally-platonic-date ideas! :D
> 
> threehundredlittleducklings.tumblr.com
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for the kudos guys! :D


	8. This Happens Too Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY For the baby chapter!!  
> I just want you all to know I'm alive!  
> It's been like...10 days.  
> Phew.   
> But I've been dealing with stuff...and yea.  
> But here's this and expect a longer chapter tomorrow~!

The room is oddly silent for a long while after Cronus leaves.

Your father stands there staring at you disapprovingly, his nostrils flaring in anger.

“Fath-,”

“Don’t you DARE speak to me! I don’t want to hear any of it! I thought I raised you _right!_  I know I certainly did NOT raise you to be a faggot!! I’ve told you time and time again to choose your friends wisely!! I let it slide with that _whore_ Porrim, but this has gone on long enough! From now on you will be friends with whomever I decide is best, and ONLY them! Do you understand me?”

You sit there stunned into silence, your mouth slightly agape.

“Answer me this instant Kankri!!”

You stay silent, taking in what he said, you can’t seem to find the words to answer.

He thinks you’re gay, you’re not gay….you just…like Cronus.

He growls and stalks over to you while you’re still lost in your thoughts.

He roughly grabs your shoulder and jerks you up to look at him.

“ANSWER ME!!”

You freeze and snap your head to look him straight in the eye, your lip twitches slightly. A strange tightness in your stomach and chest, before you can stop it a low growl escapes your throat.

As usual, the words escape you before you have a chance to register them.

“Get OFF me!” You roughly push him away and sit up the best you can, still rather weak from all the medication they have you on.

“I-I will NOT hang out with only those you have approved of… I-I am not some child. I am a seventeen year old and I can choose my friends to my liking!! Cronus is the greatest friend I’ve ever had. And so _what_ if he happens to like guys!! SO what if **_I DO?_** I’m done being pushed around by the likes of you!!! You’ve never been there for me! Or Karkat!! You just expect us to grow up and be exactly like you!!! But that’s never going to happen so you can just kiss that goodbye! You can’t stop me from seeing him and you won’-,”

You’re cut off by a sharp pain to your abdomen, then several blows to your face and a heavy pressure is over you, delivering blow after blow to your torso and face.

Before you know it, you’re staring motionless up at the ceiling as the weight is being pulled off you.

You can’t really move. Everything hurts way too much….there’s definitely a lot of blood coming from…your mouth? Maybe…

You hear him being taken from the room, and you hear him yelling at you still.

Telling you how useless you are, and how you were never going to amount to anything. And how you should have died like your mother….. Karkat is better than you he says.

You let your eyes roll shut and your head goes limp against your pillow.


	9. UPDATE

NOT A CHAPTER.  
But I would like to, oh, I don't know. Inform you all that a new chapter will be up TOMORROW if I have anything to say about it. And I do.

For those of you who have decided to brutally murder me for not updating for a dick year.. I am sorry!! My laptop broke, like, it actually broke IN HALF while I was taking a shower one day. And I had to basically wait until today to get my new laptop (Yaaayy tax returns!)

So I am writing the next chapter NOW on my new laptop (IT'S NAME IS KIT!)

Please be excited for later! :3

 

get in contact with me if you have a writing request (Short drabbles, one shots, maybe even a chapter series??? or drawing request?? I'm really excited about Kit and I am full of inspiration!! 

threehundredlittleducklings.tumblr.com 

( I will write more than Homestuck. I am in like, every fandom it seems! Love you guys!!)

 

<3


	10. Just Stay With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW AM I SORRY.  
> I'm so sorry this took forever, I had a shit ton of responsibilities that hit me like, WHAM outta nowhere... So here we are.. in May, finally updating.
> 
> I'm sorry. 
> 
> I fell outta the fandom for a bit! But I'm back!

After nodding your goodbye to Karkat, you rush outside and lean against the brick of the hospital and pull out your pack of cigarettes.

Dear _god_ you need a smoke!

You bring it to your lips and light it, your free hand grazing against the cut on your face, the blood around it already drying and scabbing.

You scowl.

That fuckface. You could just….. _kill_ people like him.

But you won’t… of course you won’t.

...

Okay you _might_...

Probably not though.

You take a deep breath, your cigarette loosely hanging from the corner of your mouth.

You really don’t understand why Kanny would put up with someone like him…

You knew his dad was bad…but _that_ bad?? Really?

You shake your head and throw your head back against the wall in anger.

“Jesus _fuck!!_ ”

Of course that wasn’t exactly smart and it sort of hurt like a bitch... But head-smashing is head-smashing and it is rarely something people do for fun.

Your head-smashing is interrupted by a vibration in your pocket.

Your phone.

You quickly pull it out and unlock the screen.

“ _Karkat Vantas:_

_Come up here now. Asshole is gone.”_

You raise your eyebrow.

You _were_ at the entrance, which is probably also the exit… If he was gone wouldn’t you have seen him?

It’s probably a good thing you didn’t see him…

Bruised knuckles hurt like a bitch…

-

You rush inside and run up the stairs as quickly as possible without tripping.

The sound at the top of the stairs is unmistakable… You haven’t heard it often… but hearing it breaks your heart to pieces.

Kankri is crying…No… he’s _sobbing._

You can’t help but let out a bit of a growl as you rush to his room.

His father is going to hell if you have to drag him down there yourself.

You force the door to the small room open and push back the curtain a bit forcefully.

You visibly see him flinch and cower down into the thick blanket surrounding him.

Your face softens and you immediately freeze, Karkat is at the foot of the bed watching him silently..

“Kankri… what’s wrong?” You try to keep your voice quiet and soft but you can’t help the worry that makes it’s way known.

He sniffles loudly and looks up at you from the blanket, bruises already forming all over his precious face.

Your 'tough-guy' facade, gone.

\----

Kankri POV

You look up at him nervously, you know he’s going to freak out…

You look like you were hit by a truck.

Your lip is busted in two places, you have a black eye and a couple other budding bruises and a _lovely_ cut on your cheek.

It takes him a moment to register your bashed in face before his own face softens and you swear you see tears welling up in his eyes... But that can't be true... Cronus Ampora does not cry.

Especially over you.

He opens his mouth to speak but closes it quickly, covering it with his fist and clearing his throat weakly, he sits down on the end of the bed across from Karkat.

The three of you sit there in silence for what seems like ages before Karkat speaks up, his voice much quieter than usual.

“That fucking asshole decided to ‘teach him a lesson’ while I was gone and Kankri had enough of his shit and talked back for once…….Security had to drag him off of him… He’s gonna go to court for Assault and possibly child abuse… I guess. That’s what Terezi thinks anyway…” He motions down to his phone at the mention of Terezi.

You look away from him. You don't _want_ him worried about you. He doesn't need to be. You did this to yourself.

You offer a forced smile and pat the spot on the bed beside you.

“It’s fine…” Your voice is quiet and the second you speak more tears leak out.

He slowly takes the offered seat and shakes his head, his thumb gently wiping away a few of your tears.

“No.. No it’s fuckin’ not fine Kanny… T-That _bastard…_ ” He manages to keep his voice quiet and careful, but you can pick out the underlying rage in his tone.

You manage to scoot over a little for him with just a _bit_ of pain in your ribs.

You bite your lip hard at the _teeny bit of pain_.

Yes, tiny bit.

It totally didn’t feel like you were stepped on by a horse.

Or six.

Definitely not six gorgeous stallions trampling all over your body.

Thats not at all what it felt like.

Cronus notices and quickly yet gently takes your hand in his.

“Are ya okay??”

You look down at your hand in his and nod slowly.

“Mmhm…” You glance at the much larger space beside you and he slowly shifts closer to you, obviously worried about hurting you more than you already are.

“What'd you two argue about?” You can tell the question is directed at either you or Karkat, whoever could answer. You look at Karkat, pleading for him to answer.. You don't really feel like crying into Cronus right now.

Karkat sighs a bit and shakes his head before speaking.

“You… He was trying to stop Kankri from seeing you and anyone else he didn’t approve of because you like men and he believed you forced Kankri to like men as well.. Kankri tried to talk to him but the asshole wasn’t going to listen, he grabbed Kankri and then Kankri lost it and started yelling.. Father didn’t like that very much and…well…” Karkat sort of motions to all of you.

You look down, slightly ashamed. You didn't want anyone to feel bad on your behalf.

Cronus is staring at Karkat in disbelief…

“…Jeez… Sorry..” His voice is soft and apologetic... he feels bad... you didn't want him to feel bad.

You feel the warm body beside you shift down so you are both shoulder to shoulder and he _very_ gently wraps an arm around you, nuzzling into your neck with his sharp, crooked nose.

“Not your fault…” you say as you lean into him and tear up again, this time you can’t stop the crying, you roughly grab at his shirt and start sobbing, _trying_ to stay quiet.

Karkat looks over at the two of you a bit sadly and leaves the room quietly, closing the door behind him.

\--

CRONUS POV

\--

You stare down at the boy in your lap, he's finally stopped sobbing, not that you minded at all. It just hurt to see him like that, all vulnerable. You wanted to make sure he was always happy, always safe, and you just _couldn't._

There wasn't anything you could do...so you just held him and rubbed his back... like a good _friend_.

"Do you want anything....?" You ask him quietly. He's finally calmed down, but he's still pressed into your side silently.

"No..." His voice is quiet and strained, he glances away from his lap to look up at you."Thank you though."

You understand, you do, but you feel like you could at least do _something._

“Are ya' sure....? Is there anything I could do..? Anythin' at all, Kanny.”

He thinks for a moment, silent.

“... Well.. you could just... stay here overnight? Please? I-I don't want to be alone...” He grips at the sheets covering his legs and continues watching your face.

How could you say no to him?? You couldn't, and you didn't intend to. Of course you'd stay with him, you'd _always_ stay with him. Always.

“Of course Kan. I wouldn' leave ya here alone...” You gingerly ran your fingers through his mussed up hair and _very_ lightly planted a kiss on the top of his head. “Hell... I'll be here till you want me gone...”

He blushed lightly, his cheeks dimpled and his eyes twinkling with happiness as he relaxes into your arms a bit more.

“Okay...Goodnight Cronus...You mean a lot to me, thank you for being here. Really. Uh.. Once again, I'm very sorry for all this.. I overreacted, an-”

“Kan...stop... No,” You gently run your thumb over his cheek “I know you're sorry, please don't worry about it okay? You need to heal up and everythin' first. Then you can worry about everything else....'kay? I'm not mad, I was worried beyond belief, but I'm not mad, I could never be mad at you...like I said, I love 'ya....Okay?”

You feel him shake his head in understanding “Okay Cronus, I love you too...”

You could swear your heart stopped for a moment... Just hearing him say those words meant the world to you, even if he didn't mean it how you wanted him to mean it... You take a moment to wipe the smile off your face and compose yourself.

“Kan... You need to get some sleep okay? I'll be here when you wake up.”

He smiles up at you and nods in affirmation.

“Okay. Goodnight Cronus.”

He sinks down into the bed quite a bit more, his head resting on your hip now, his eyes flutter shut and within a few minutes, he's fast asleep.

You sigh softly, “Goodnight Kankri..”

You lean your head back against the pillows piled up behind you and close your eyes.

Damn today sure has been hectic.

Maybe tomorrow would be better...


	11. Everything is Beautiful - Heaven for a Fool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AUTHOURS NOTE: As someone who is currently recovering from OSFED Purging Disorder (4 months recovering!! WOO!) which by the way is what Kankri would have had in this fic, I've deemed it best for my own health that I don't write more about his disorder in depth. I'm sorry, I started this fic when I was still sick and I had no issue pouring how I felt into a character, but now, just trying to write it makes me...well... I'm sure there are those out there who just understand without me having to try to explain to hard. I am most worried about how I would write the recovery, which I don't want to have to write at all, because 1) I don't know how I would write psych visits into this at all and 2) wow I really just don't want to. And because I don't want this to be a LOVE CURES EVERYTHING OMFG fic.... yea. Basically, the disorder behaviors (e.g purging, restricting, etc.. ) will not be detailed, but feel free to assume they still happen. But I'm basically going to write Kanny dearest with Disordered Eating (NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH AN EATING DISORDER) but as I stated, I will not write or detail the disorder behaviors. 
> 
> Sorry.
> 
> Please understand.
> 
> (Disordered eating description https://www.eatingdisorders.org.au/eating-disorders/disordered-eating-a-dieting )
> 
> ( I hope this whole AN wasn't too terribly confusing... )

_** (cronus pov) ** _

Kankri stayed in the hospital for another day, and not much changed between the two of you during that short time, and you didn't really expect it to. But the day he got out was different, it just... felt different between the two of you. You'd asked, but he said not to worry, he didn't want to discuss it right now, so you didn't push it. But now, it's been several days (10 to be exact) and he's been trying to stay distant from you, you can tell...

\---

You're currently laying on the edge of your bed, smiling up at the disgustingly pale glow-in-the dark stars you'd just put up. 

Sure they looked gross now, but later?? That shit's gonna be the bomb.

Kankri was supposed to be here any minute, and he'd be staying over the entire week, (It _was finally_ Spring Break after all..) You'd be lying if you said you weren't super fucking excited about this.

You'd originally planned to spend this time with Meu and Kurloz or maybe 'Tuna if he'd let you, but Kankri called out of the blue yesterday and damn  _demanded_ he spend the night all week. You didn't care at all really, it was just... sudden.

“Cronus! The door!” You hear your mother call from downstairs, you bolt up and pull on a shirt as quick as possible before dashing down the stairs. Surprisingly not breaking your neck in the process.

You stop in front of the door and fix your hair before yanking it open with a small smile on your face.

(KANKRI POV)

You keep your hands inside your sweater sleeves nervously as you wait for the door to open, “ _sweater paws”_ Cronus called them. Oh well, as 'cute' as it might be, it was a nervous habit he'd had since he was a child.

And yes, he was nervous. He'd practically been avoiding Cronus all last week.. Sure they hung out, but not nearly as much. And this week... well... he didn't want to be home.

–

You jump back in surprise as the door is yanked open. Struggling to suppress all your laughter, you cover your mouth with your _sweater paw_ and take a step back. You fail and laugh anyway.

“Oh my god what are you _wearing?_ Is this some sort of new fashion trend I hadn't heard about?”

His eyes widen immediately and he quickly assesses his clothing choices.

A very neon-pink shirt with Nicki Minaj plastered all over the front, not to mention it was at least 2 sizes too small, and that his jeans were unbuttoned and unzipped.

The horror on his face was priceless as he yanked up the zipper on his jeans. “K-Kanny, I … um.. t-this isn't.. It's...God damn it ERID- _oof!”_

You effectively silence him with a hug.

“Be quiet, I don't care what you're wearing, it was just humorous. It's nice to see you Cronus, even if you are covered in glitter... Is this a normal occurrence?” You struggle to keep a straight face.

He just laughs, wrapping his strong arms around you in greeting. “Someone's in a good mood... That's nice. And I'll have ya' know, glitter is manly as hell. Come on, let's go up to my room now, I think my ma's listenin' to us.”

You follow him up to his room, your leather bag hanging on your shoulder, once inside, you realize it's much cleaner than normal.

“Did you clean your room for me? It smells like... air freshener?” You sniff the air as you toss your bag on the floor next to his bed.

“Uh... is it bad? I mean... y-yea! I cleaned it... Didn't think ya' liked the smell of cigarettes.”

“Hm, I don't, but your room usually smells like you, and I like that.” You sit on his bed and smile at him softly.

(CRONUS POV)

You feel your face grow hot as you sit down next to him.

“Really?”  
  
“Yea! Of course I do. You smell... sort of like cigarettes, and sort of like cologne, but mostly your smell makes me....um...” You register the faint blush on his face as he looks everywhere in your room but your face “ It makes me feel loved and warm....So yes, I do..quite enjoy your particular smell. Gosh that probably sounded really awkward...Um..”

You smile sweetly at him. “No, no... it's sweet.. really.”

Inside you were cool.

Totally cool.

You weren't freaking the fuck out or anything.

“So uh....” You say coolly, effectively killing any moment there might have been.

“So...” He repeats, staring at his hands.

You scoot a bit closer to him and softly drape your arm across his shoulders.

“Wanna tell me what's at ya'?”

He looks over at you, eyes a bit wide. “What do you mean...?”

You take his wrist and unball his hands from his sweater.

“Well for once, you're grippin' the hell out of your sweater, and for two,” You take the other and do the same for it, this sleeve is slightly wet at the edges, “You've been chewing on your sweater sleeves.. So either you're hungry as hell or you're anxious...Seriously Kan, what's up?”

You figured something had to be bothering him, every conversation you'd had with him in the last week and a half had been oddly quick and very one-sided.

“Um...can I just... wait? Please? I'll tell you later...okay? I'm not ready to have this discussion yet.”

Fair enough.

“Of course, just know I'm here for ya' okay? I ain't gonna judge you or anythin' like that...”

He nods quickly in affirmation and looks over at you.

“So... You should probably change out of that monstrosity, right?”

“What?” Suddenly you remember the horrifying shirt you're wearing. Nicki Minaj was great, of course, but neon pink was definitely not your color. “Oh! Yea! Right.”

You stand up and thoughtlessly pull the pink monstrosity off your chest and toss it to the side.

It'd be hard not to notice Kankri trying so hard not to be obvious about his staring, but damn that kid was obvious. And it boosted your ego way more than it should have, so you decide to tease him just a bit and you turn around to face him fully.  
  
“Kan? Hey, look at me, what shirt should I wear?” You hold up a black short-sleeved button up and a plain white v-neck. Of course you wouldn't wear both... Only douchebags wear both. And you were in fact, not a douchebag.

He looks up at your face, and only at your face, his cheeks darkening steadily, his traitorous eyes momentarily tearing away from your face to glance quickly at your chest, and then all too quickly back up at your face.

“Um...n-...I... Black.. D-Definitely black,... It looks good against your skin...”

You can't suppress the smirk on your face.

“Or would you rather I wear neither so you can keep starin'?”

His cheeks go impossibly red and he stands quickly.

“C-Cronus!! I'm not staring at you!”

You smile softly and pat his head. “I'm teasing... And I wouldn't mind if ya' were.”

You pull on the black button up and slowly button the buttons, slowly of course because you fucking hate buttons. Who decided they were a good idea? Zippers are more your style.

“So... I was thinkin' we could watch a movie? Or maybe go get something to eat? I know a nice little Italian place downtown.. Best fuckin' ravioli I ever tasted.”

You watch him bite his lip in thought, you'd picked up a little bit on his eating habits. He'd eat only when made to, which made you a bit upset, but hey, whatever works. Kid needs to eat more.

“Um.. sure. Why not.” He stands up and looks around before tugging off his sweater in favor of a grey jacket lying on your bed. “I hope you don't mind. If you do of course I can take it off, I don't mean to offend you.”

You almost laugh. Why would you mind? “Course I don't, what's mine is yours.”

  
  


(Kankri POV)

To be perfectly honest, you were hungry. You were hungry as hell. Of course you were you were fat.

You hadn't....um... you know.... been sick in a while, but, you still thought you didn't deserve to eat. You hated yourself.

You wanted to go out to dinner with Cronus, really, you did. But the whole idea made you nervous, because you knew how the night would end up.

You'd eat because you had to, you'd feel sick at yourself because you ate, you'd feel bad, then you'd cry, then Cronus would worry, then you'd feel bad for making Cronus worry and... well, you weren't exactly up for all that.

But you agree anyway and take off your sweater to pull on one of Cronus's jackets that you liked, Italian was slightly too formal for a red sweater, a year ago, you wouldn't have even thought about taking it off in even the most formal of events. Now... well.. now it just seems like an object, it's okay to find comfort in your objects, but you shouldn't rely on them for comfort. He taught himself that recently.

“We're takin' the car. Eridan has my bike for some reason, I think 'e took that nerdy asshole with the lisp out to ice skate or somethin'? I dunno, all I know is that kid's too old for Eridan...But hey, whatever works.”

You nod at him, a tiny voice at the back of your mind telling you to back out of dinner now.

But you couldn't, and you wouldn't. So you followed Cronus downstairs and outside.

He opened the passenger door to the car for you, like the gentleman he was, and then he got inside the car himself.

You don't really remember much of the car ride to the restaurant, well, you usually don't remember car rides, you tend to lose yourself in your thoughts during them. And this time was no exception.

You got out of the car and breathed in the fresh air.

You can't even recall what you were so in deep thought about, actually. It was just one of those moments where your train of thought is just so unpredictable, one moment you're thinking about what color to wear tomorrow and the next you're thinking about getting married... yea. That's not what you were thinking about at all... you probably wouldn't ever get married.. Oh well.

Cronus led you to the door of the gorgeous building and led you inside.

The restaurant was nice, very nice, you felt under dressed. The walls were a deep burgundy and the carpet was dark. The lighting was dim enough to provide an almost warm... _romantic_ environment...Perhaps this was a date? You stopped in your tracks, a deep blush creeping onto your cheeks. This.. couldn't be a date... You weren't....

You took in a breath to calm yourself.

One thing at a time.

If it was, so what?

Calm.

Calm.

_Calm._

When you were calm enough, you opened your eyes and continued walking, a bit quicker, to your table.

Reserved?

You blushed again. Okay, definitely a date. This was planned. Although the notion of this being a date made you slightly uncomfortable, you still couldn't hide the smile as you took your seat.

“Did you plan all this?” You ask with a smile on your lips.

He grins and sits across from you.

“What? Me? Of course not...” You don't miss the wink he throws your way.

And you're positive he doesn't miss the way you blush in return.

“Um... thank you. I appreciate this, very much, It's not often that I do these...um... sorts of things” For some reason, you find it hard to say the last part.

“What, you mean go on a date?” He asks nonchalantly.

Bam, there it is, this is definitely a date. No doubt about it.. does this mean you're dating? Does that make you his boyfriend? Is that how dating works? You're not really sure, you'd have to research the topic more thoroughly later.

You were quiet for a bit to long apparently, because Cronus is speaking again.

“Um... this... is this a date? I mean, I guess... If you don't want it to be it doesn't have t' be.... it's really up t'you I guess...”

You snap out of your thinking and quickly rush to speak.

“Of course this is a date... I just... wasn't aware of that until now, I suppose. Thank you. Um.. I've never been on a date.”

He visibly relaxes in his seat, a smile of relief playing on his lips.

“Heh, really? I know most people wouldn't believe it, but I haven' either.”

To be honest, that actually surprises you.

“Really? Why not?”

“Well I-”

Sadly you're interrupted by the waitress asking what you would like to drink.

You both tell her and Cronus looks back at you, ready to continue where he left off.

“It's stupid really.... I guess....I never wanted t' go on a date before?” He shrugs it off as nothing, but that just makes you more curious. Why you?

You could ask that later... Now you should focus on here.... Focus on the date.

  
  


(Cronus POV)

The date had been going well, surprisingly well, you were most shocked that he seemed so _okay_ with this being a date.

Granted you probably should have _asked_ first... but would he actually have said yes? Probably not, so yea, this was kinda a douchey move. 

But he didn't seem to mind.

The _date_ went great. You had the best time ever with him...You both talked about everything, from future goals _(Kankri has always wanted to major in Theology in college even though he himself identified as Agnostic)_ to weird things you enjoy _(Kankri thought it was sort of gross that you sometimes eat your grilled cheese with applesauce.... The poor kid doesn't know good food)_

It was after the date that was.... not so good. 

You both ate, you paid, and you left, it was fine, great even. You were both smiling, well... Kanny was sort of... sulking in the car. But you figured he was just thinking about whatever he wanted to talk about later. 

You got home, went upstairs and then it happened, he just had a break down... the two of you were sitting on your bed, side to side, his head on your shoulder, and he just started freakin' sobbing into your side. At first you thought it was the movie. But Across The Universe isn't _that sad._

You paused the movie as quick as you could and thoughtlessly grabbed his hand.

“Kankri... chief what's wrong? Shh...” You kindly pulled him closer to you, his hand gripping back at yours. “Tell me what's wrong...I'm here for you... I'm not going anywhere..” 

“D-...D-Do you t-think I'm gross?” He sniffles and wipes his eyes, tears still flowing, his face burried in your shoulder.

What.

Wow that fucking caught you off guard.

“Wha'??? Of course not! Kanny, why would ya' think that?? Did I say somethin'?”

You ran through everything you'd said that night, trying to remember if you had accidentally said something to offend him, you came up blank. 

“Because I am.... I'm f-*hic*-fat and there's absolutely no reason why y-you should think otherwise....”

It feels like your heart has been ripped out of your chest, stomped on, chewed up, placed back in it's nice chest casing, then ripped out again. In other words, it hurt.

It really hurt to hear him talk about himself like that.

“Kankri....no... you're not gross... or fat... Kan, babe, you're gorgeous...Really...” You kept his hand in yours and ran your thumb lightly over it. “You're perfect okay? Where's all this coming from?”

After a little bit, he's calm enough and he starts talking.

“I-I Just.... I just feel like I'm so disgusting sometimes...I feel like I don't need to eat, so I don't, because I-I'm not skinny.. I'm not thin or cute or attractive a-and I don't... get why you think I'm so _special!_ I'm not!! There are easily millions of people more attractive than I am, there are people smarter than I am, there are tons of people who are just better than me in every goddamn way! Why me?? I'm nothing! I'm gross, I hate myself!! My dad hates me! I-I can't even be t-the son he wanted because I-... I'm just not. It's not f-fair.... I'm a-a disappointment...t-to myself, to my father, to everyone....so....i-if you don't actually w-want to spend time with me, I-I get it. Okay? I'd understand.... J-Just... why me??”

You couldn't stop the tears as they rolled down your cheeks. You were heart broken. Did he really feel this way? 

“Kankri....Kankri, no.. listen to me... You're perfect, I think you're gorgeous, and you're right, you're not skinny, hell, I ain't either, so what? Please, _please_ , hear me out. You don't need to be skinny to have worth, or to be attractive. You matter so so so much to me, you make my day, really. I can't imagine being without ya'. Okay? You are so special to me... You say what ya' think, you're smart, you're very attractive, I love your smile and your laugh and the way that you open up to me... There is always going to be someone better than you, someone is better at everyone in something, always, please babe, don't compare yourself. If your father can't see how amazing you are, then he doesn't need to be in your life...Trust me when I say this, I'd rather spend time with you than anythin' else... Kankri, I really don't know what the hell I did before I met you. Because I wasn't this happy, or open, or anythin'.. You're not a disappointment to me.. an' you never will be.” You pause to very gently press your lips to his hand in a kiss. “Kankri, I love you... Not just like a friend, I mean it. I'm so _damn_ in love with you. You're the only person I've ever felt this close to... Ever since we first talked I knew you were special, because, man, ya' sure are fucking special, babe. I never met someone who can have the kinda conversations you have. You're so damn amazing, and I don't need you to say it back now, hell, Kankri I don't even need you to love me back, I just need you t'know... I love you, with all my heart... That's why you.”

His hand is gripping yours deathly tight, it hurts a bit, but you can deal with it... Oh, and he's still sobbing, there's probably tears and snot on your shoulder from where his face is currently lodged, but you could deal with that too. 

“Shhh, babe, calm down okay? Everythin's gonna be alright....”

You place one hand on the back of his head in a supporting manner, hey, you've seen people do it in movies, it's gotta do something.

You start humming softly, and within a few moments you're singing _“Beautiful”_ by _Seeed ._ A song he had previously said he particularly enjoyed....

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_ Waking up is beautiful - when I am with you _

_ And I wonder yes I wonder - wisely that you choose _

_ Everything is beautiful - heaven for a fool _

_ And I wonder girl I wonder - why it's me that you choose _

_ I never thought, I'd be like this _

_ In the palm of your hand - happily speechless _

_ You wear my shirt and just a devil smile _

_ Bringing Mars closer to Venus _

_ Late that night, I watch you sleep _

_ You saved my life, when no one believed _

_ You gave up Diamonds for a Rolling' Stone _

_ Now I know what it means to be home. _

_ \- - - - - - - _

_ You come and get me out when I'm dizzy in the haze _

_ I'm having no doubts - so proud, I shout it all around it's you babe _

_ You turn my wall around, you quite underestimate the height of my flight _

_ I might be drifting out of sight so hold on to me _

_ Slap me, pinch me, tell me it's not a dream now _

_ Soak me trench me in honey and cream _

_ Waking up is beautiful - when I am with you~ _

 

 


	12. surprise motherfucker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heyaaa

Hey guys!! Guess what? You may be getting an epilogue! Wow! 

Also 2014 was a long time ago and I'm not even sure why I thought he could od on TYLENOL jeeeez. 

Also my writing has improved DRASTICALLY. 

And I'm still taking commission for Homestuck and BTS fandoms. 

Comment what you'd like to see in the epilogue!

**Author's Note:**

> I take requests
> 
>  
> 
> maudlinghost.tumblr.com


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